Super brave musicians take a break from luxury to support murder victims… with autographs?

Nothing says, “I support victims of mass murder” like rolling out of bed, turning off your mansion’s alarm system and sending your armed security home just before e-mailing a facsimile of your autograph to be used in an anti-gun ad.
But such is the life of a rock star.

Hundreds of them braved the treacherous walk from their master suites to the pool deck — with a quick stop by the kitchen for a juice cleanse, of course — before lazing in the jacuzzi and asking their assistants to send over their signatures to Billboard magazine to plaster all over its latest cover that screams, “Stop Gun Violence Now.” It’s printed in rainbow colors so you know they really mean it.

Lady Gaga, Selena Gomez, Eddie Vedder, Britney Spears, Michael Bublé, Yoko Ono, and even Beck, joined 200 other artists and music industry executives who risked it all by sending an open letter to Congress that demands action to stop gun violence. And they did so with a music pun:

We are adding our voices to the chorus of Americans demanding change.

Music always has been celebrated communally, on dancefloors and at concert halls. But this life-affirming ritual, like so many other daily experiences—going to school or church or work—now is threatened, because of gun violence in this country.

The one thing that connects the recent tragedies in Orlando is that it is far too easy for dangerous people to get their hands on guns.

Specifically, they are demanding background checks for every gun sale and wanting suspected terrorists blocked from buying guns. What they aren’t willing to do is lead by example and disarm their own security detail to prove guns aren’t needed to keep anyone safe.

That’s where the autographs come in. Because as they say, the pen is mightier than a gun pointed at your head. Or something like that.

If this tactic doesn’t work, brace yourselves because they’re going to reach for the big guns (no pun intended) — the six-string axe and write up a song more powerful than any speeding bullet, more profound than a tearful award speech, and braver than any Democrat-led sit-in. The first chord struck will send a shock wave of peace that will be heard ’round the world followed by another sound… the sound of silence after everyone drops their guns in a massive “what were we thinking” moment.

And then… there will be a big “kaching” sound as the artist’s coffers overflow once more, reigning extravagant wealth and bringing with it the inherent need to protect from robbers. It’s a vicious cycle when you think about it.