Short Stack

I just hope that after the fundamentalist Christians defeat evolution, they go after entomology next. I’m tired of all these bugs.

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To a fundamentalist, every adventure looks like a sin.

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Christians say they can’t explain the mysteries of God. Then they say scientists have to be wrong because they can’t explain every mystery of the universe. Huh? I missed something.

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Atheism isn’t a religion. It’s a personal relationship with common sense.

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I wonder if you could edit the Bible down to, say, a couple of paragraphs. I mean, just for people on the go.

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You ask about my “beliefs?” Well, it happens that I don’t believe in internal combustion engines. They’re not mentioned in the Bible.

Nobody can convince me that there’s an engine under the hood of my car. And I refuse to look, because I don’t believe it will prove anything.

I just find it absolutely insane that anyone would think an internal combustion engine is what makes a car go. I’m writing a book to refute all the “combustians” who conspire to force their silly “theory” on us.

The Combustians have held sway in society and in our schools and public places for far too long. We should “teach the controversy.”

I know several prominent automechanics who don’t believe in internal combustion. They have left the blind fold of Combustianism, and their lives have even been threatened for their courageous stand.

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The way bacteria develop resistance to antibiotics is a perfect parallel to the relationship between scientific advancement and such silliness as anti-evolution fundamentalism.

As science becomes more refined and powerful, new and more resistant strains of stupidity evolve.

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I chuckle to think the Christian version of Heaven might be right, a place where you’re rejoined with all your family.

I’d love to see the looks on the faces of my Texas cowboy friends when they discover they’re about to be reunited with all their ex-wives.

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If your religion teaches that females are essentially property and should never drive cars or go out without a male chaperone, or that they shouldn’t be allowed to own property or vote, or even to get an education, well, those are some darned scary ideas, but they’re also hilarious.

Considering the huge contribution free, educated women make to the world, limiting them in these ways is a darkly comic way of shooting yourself and your whole culture in the foot. I can’t help but laugh.

And the idea that women should only speak when their husbands give them permission, or that men should make all the family decisions? If it wasn’t so nasty, we’d all just fall down laughing.

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Some people don’t read books. Instead they listen to Christian radio 24/7. And they probably hope to kiss Pat Robertson’s shoes someday.

But to be fair, who doesn’t? Pat Robertson is a national treasure.

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I’m an atheist because God killed my kitten when I was 5. I’ve never forgiven him for it. Now I get revenge by tempting small children into atheism, in the hope that God will someday see their small souls burning in the flames for all eternity and think,  “Oh, dang, I should never have killed that kid’s kitten.”

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Libraries are the cheapest and best thing civilization has to offer. And yet churches outnumber them probably 20 to 1.

Short Stack #23
Short Stack #21
Adventures in Cholecystectomy Land – Part 2
Short Stack # 20

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