Doctors Work Tirelessly, Then God Performs Breathtaking Miracle

“I tell everyone, if they want to call it a modern-day miracle, this is a miracle,” said Regan, 59, and a Catholic. “I have friends who are atheists who have called me and said, ‘I am going back to church.’ “

I know some part of this is the simple desire to express boundless gratitude that a loved one survived. And another part is the ridiculous “drama” writing on the part of the reporter.

But after a while, it just gets tedious. Like the 20th time you’ve seen an “evil twin” episode on a TV series. Or the 10th “hot young vampire” movie.

[Or the "confrontation at the mike, with much scowling" in pro wrestling: "God is afraid to face me in the ring! He's goin' down! He's goin' down, and not all his heavenly posse can save him! All those sissy angels and that skinny gutless so-called son of this — conceived out of wedlock, but he goes around BRAGGING about the nail holes in his hands, trying to distract people from the fact that he's just another of God's little bastards — they're gonna see who the real champion is! The whole world will know the real hero of Philosophical Pro Wrestling is me, Chuck Darwin, the Evolver!"]

If you read this story carefully, it’s a story of an accident victim who has an aneurism which is repaired by surgery. Doctors initially feared extensive brain damage, and braced his parents for the worst. But after several days, when an MRI showed the boy’s brain was in better condition than they originally thought, and he started to improve, they went “Oh, good. This kid is probably going to recover.”

Then reporter Susan Donaldson James waded in, possibly under orders: “Let’s see one of those Christmas miracle stories. You know the drill — a freezing kitten coming into a warm church, one twin donates a kidney to the other. Yeah, that’s it, a medical story! People just eat that shit up, and hospitals always have something you can tweak. On my desk by 9 p.m.”

During surgery, Spetzler clipped the balloonlike aneurysm in the blood vessel — “as if I were patching a tire,” a procedure that eventually worked.

For days Schmid didn’t seem to be responding, but what puzzled his doctor was that he did not see fatal injuries on the MRI scan. So he decided to keep Schmid on life support longer.

Later in the article, after you wade through the “miracle” talk, it turns out the victim was in an induced coma. And that the story dates from late October.

Which, for a possibly-amateur writer who had no idea how to make a TRUE story interesting, sort of killed the thrill. Cue the god-talk, and break out the 72-point MIRACLE!!! banner. Everybody goes home happy.

Except people interested in real stories and a rational outlook.

But hey … fuck them, right?

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  • http://www.laughinginpurgatory.com/ Andrew Hall

    I’d think that God would do be able to do the miracle without the need for anaesthesia.

  • http://www.laughinginpurgatory.com/ Andrew Hall

    I’d think that God would do be able to do the miracle without the need for anaesthesia.

  • TX_secular

    Why don’t any of these miracles come after the accident victim was taken to a church instead of a hospital? Why the need for the doctors at all? Also, not to be mean, but is the dude still in a wheel chair? Seems like a half-assed miracle in that case…

  • TX_secular

    Why don’t any of these miracles come after the accident victim was taken to a church instead of a hospital? Why the need for the doctors at all? Also, not to be mean, but is the dude still in a wheel chair? Seems like a half-assed miracle in that case…

  • lordshipmayhem

    I’d be thinking this is a touch more miraculous if antibiotics were not called for…

  • lordshipmayhem

    I’d be thinking this is a touch more miraculous if antibiotics were not called for…

  • raymoscow

    It’s amazing how these miracles turn out to be indistinguishable from the results of normal medical treatments. The Lord doth work in subtle ways.

  • raymoscow

    It’s amazing how these miracles turn out to be indistinguishable from the results of normal medical treatments. The Lord doth work in subtle ways.

  • davidct

    Who was looking out for this guy before the accident? Not god evidently!

    As for the wheelchair – that is the only way a patient can get out of a hospital these days. All give thanks to the lawyers.

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com WMDKitty

      Trips the staffers out when you bring your own wheelchair!

  • davidct

    Who was looking out for this guy before the accident? Not god evidently!

    As for the wheelchair – that is the only way a patient can get out of a hospital these days. All give thanks to the lawyers.

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com WMDKitty

      Trips the staffers out when you bring your own wheelchair!

  • Danaleigh

    “I have friends who are atheists who have called me and said, ‘I am going back to church.’”

    Love how they have to get in that little dig at atheists. I saw this elsewhere, and my immediate reaction to that line was no real atheist I know would react that way; they would laugh at her for thinking it was anything other than good medical treatment and good fortune that saved her son.

    • had3

      Is “no real atheist would react that way,” like a true scotsman? I think simply asking for a name or two of the atheists and a follow up with them would suffice.

  • Danaleigh

    “I have friends who are atheists who have called me and said, ‘I am going back to church.’”

    Love how they have to get in that little dig at atheists. I saw this elsewhere, and my immediate reaction to that line was no real atheist I know would react that way; they would laugh at her for thinking it was anything other than good medical treatment and good fortune that saved her son.

    • had3

      Is “no real atheist would react that way,” like a true scotsman? I think simply asking for a name or two of the atheists and a follow up with them would suffice.

  • jimmiraybob

    In October I was on a job site when I tried to start my car and it just made a clicking sound. Relying on some 15 years of training and experience in auto mechanics (from and earlier part of my life) I asked a coworker if they could give me a jump start. When he returned we hooked up the jumper cables and my car started. We left the job site and I think I had a couple of beers that night.

    As reported by ABC, the workers were stunned. They had no explanation for why the car suddenly and miraculously started. It was late when the car had initially failed to start and the sun had set and temperatures were due to drop till near freezing. It was certain death for the car owner if at the last possible moment an unseen power hadn’t suddenly brought the vehicle to life, saving at least one life and a tragic loss for family and friends. A true Thanksgiving Miracle.

    Meanwhile, children across the world starved to death.

  • jimmiraybob

    In October I was on a job site when I tried to start my car and it just made a clicking sound. Relying on some 15 years of training and experience in auto mechanics (from and earlier part of my life) I asked a coworker if they could give me a jump start. When he returned we hooked up the jumper cables and my car started. We left the job site and I think I had a couple of beers that night.

    As reported by ABC, the workers were stunned. They had no explanation for why the car suddenly and miraculously started. It was late when the car had initially failed to start and the sun had set and temperatures were due to drop till near freezing. It was certain death for the car owner if at the last possible moment an unseen power hadn’t suddenly brought the vehicle to life, saving at least one life and a tragic loss for family and friends. A true Thanksgiving Miracle.

    Meanwhile, children across the world starved to death.

  • TX_secular

    In a related story, I jut watched a show where a man was wrongly imprisoned for 22 years. His parents prayed for his release every Sunday. When the actual perp was arrested and the innocent man was finally released, his parents said it was a miracle. They did not seem to have any cognitive dissonance over this belief and the fact that their son was wrongly arrested and imprisoned in the first place. Again, a lame miracle.

  • TX_secular

    In a related story, I jut watched a show where a man was wrongly imprisoned for 22 years. His parents prayed for his release every Sunday. When the actual perp was arrested and the innocent man was finally released, his parents said it was a miracle. They did not seem to have any cognitive dissonance over this belief and the fact that their son was wrongly arrested and imprisoned in the first place. Again, a lame miracle.

  • Kendra

    If it was a miracle…why couldn’t he have come out of the accident unharmed? Or couldn’t god prevent the accident to begin with?

    It was the hard work of the doctors that saved him.

  • Kendra

    If it was a miracle…why couldn’t he have come out of the accident unharmed? Or couldn’t god prevent the accident to begin with?

    It was the hard work of the doctors that saved him.

  • Retired Prodigy Bill

    I recall someone spamming all 5000 of his co-workers asking for prayers for his toddler, who had poured a large pot of boiling water all over himself, and was in the local Shriner’s burn unit, a place with free health care for children and an excellent track record. I was a bit disgruntled as the prayer spam, but let it pass.

    That was nothing compared to my disgruntlement when a couple of weeks later another spam went to all 5000 of us telling how miraculously God, spurred on by our prayers, had saved little what’s-his-name with the curiosity about what was in the spaghetti pot. God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit and praying people were thanked effusively. Not a single mention was made of the skilled doctors and nurses who had treated the child, or the organization that gave those medical personnel a place to do their work. It was disgusting.

  • Retired Prodigy Bill

    I recall someone spamming all 5000 of his co-workers asking for prayers for his toddler, who had poured a large pot of boiling water all over himself, and was in the local Shriner’s burn unit, a place with free health care for children and an excellent track record. I was a bit disgruntled as the prayer spam, but let it pass.

    That was nothing compared to my disgruntlement when a couple of weeks later another spam went to all 5000 of us telling how miraculously God, spurred on by our prayers, had saved little what’s-his-name with the curiosity about what was in the spaghetti pot. God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit and praying people were thanked effusively. Not a single mention was made of the skilled doctors and nurses who had treated the child, or the organization that gave those medical personnel a place to do their work. It was disgusting.

  • Mike Bowerman

    Brilliant title Hank! I laughed out loud. Wish I could have found a Twitter or Facebook link to share it without a login.

  • Mike Bowerman

    Brilliant title Hank! I laughed out loud. Wish I could have found a Twitter or Facebook link to share it without a login.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002686842900 christinelaing

    I had a very good friend who fell down the stairs, struck his head, and suffered brain damage. He was also in a coma for days while the doctors worked on him. Like this young man, my friend also underwent brain surgery. Eventually the trained medical professionals declared my friend brain dead and removed his organs so that they could save the lives of other people.

    And I am supposed to be impressed by this kid’s experience why? I’m glad he’s going to survive and thrive, but he’s confined to a wheelchair and his speech is obviously impaired. He had heroic medical treatment and got the desired outcome. I find his story somewhat depressing and strong evidence that God doesn’t really exist. A real God could do better.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002686842900 christinelaing

    I had a very good friend who fell down the stairs, struck his head, and suffered brain damage. He was also in a coma for days while the doctors worked on him. Like this young man, my friend also underwent brain surgery. Eventually the trained medical professionals declared my friend brain dead and removed his organs so that they could save the lives of other people.

    And I am supposed to be impressed by this kid’s experience why? I’m glad he’s going to survive and thrive, but he’s confined to a wheelchair and his speech is obviously impaired. He had heroic medical treatment and got the desired outcome. I find his story somewhat depressing and strong evidence that God doesn’t really exist. A real God could do better.

  • grumpyoldfart

    In the first video the doctors explain all of the procedures they followed to help the patient recover, but in the second video the reporter says “Not even the doctors can explain this one…”

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