I Will Not Be Weighing In On The Colorado Shooting

I purposely decline to read or watch or listen to “news” stories like this, because they’re really little more than the news version of pop music. I like being beaten over the head with them about as much as I like being beaten over the head with the peppy, poppy, insidious, every-15-minutes-on-the-radio notes of “Call Me Maybe.”

But even I, pop news hermit that I am, can’t help noticing there are THIRTY-ONE front page news headlines on ABCNews.com related to the event.

If there was such a thing as a depraved mass orgy for news organizations, it would be this. Christ, I wouldn’t be surprised to find shooting-victim favorite recipes in the Food section.

This exact phrase popped into my head when I first became aware of the event:

“Wasn’t PLANNED. Will be USED.”

Even without reading any stories on the event, I have so far seen it used to make points about gun control, about access to mental health care, about violence in movies, and — gag! — about the inevitable result of this nation falling away from God.

One thing more comes to mind, though, a point that nobody in the mainstream will ever dare to make:

Political cynic realist that I am, I can’t help but imagine that somewhere in the GOP inner sanctum, there is a gleeful rubbing of hands at this distraction from Mitt Romney’s tax returns. Worse, I’d lay odds there is studied calculation — meetings, whiteboards, careful notes! — on how to turn it to further advantage in the coming months of the campaign.

Watch for it.

______________________

Oh, hell. Trying to get into the heads of the ‘wingers, so I can understand what motivates them or what they’re likely to do in certain situations, I think of some ugly shit sometimes. Such as:

The GOP could do worse than to plant a few rabble-rousing protest stories, tailored to the two political audiences:

WHY WON’T THE PRESIDENT DEMAND AN END TO EASY ACCESS TO GUNS?? HE MUST HATE THE INNOCENT VICTIMS OF THIS HORRIBLE SHOOTING!! LET’S ALL VOTE AGAINST THE BASTARD!!

— but also —

IN RESPONSE TO THIS SENSELESS TRAGEDY, BLEEDING HEART LIBERAL FREEDOM-HATING COMMIE-BAMA IS WORKING BEHIND THE SCENES TO DESTROY OUR GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO OWN GUNS!! LET’S ALL VOTE AGAINST THE BASTARD!!

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  • http://www.improbablejoe.blogspot.com Improbable Joe

    The only thing worth reading in times like this is The Onion.

  • http://www.brettwmccoy.com Brett McCoy

    Conspiracy theories are abounding, too… I have checked in on the updates from the incident but have refrained fro making any comments on it or even hazarding the faintest spark of a guess about the motives. Just not enough information or evidence to say anything about it. Too many people are trying to make authoritative statements about it and don’t know a GODDAMN THING about it. They did the same thing for the guy in Norway and were woefully wrong.

  • geocatherder

    IN RESPONSE TO THIS SENSELESS TRAGEDY, BLEEDING HEART LIBERAL FREEDOM-HATING COMMIE-BAMA IS WORKING BEHIND THE SCENES TO DESTROY OUR GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO OWN GUNS!! LET’S ALL VOTE AGAINST THE BASTARD!!

    My crazy tea-partier relative and his friends were very quick to take this line. Also, “If I were there I’d have been packing, rules or no rules, and I would’ve shot the bastard.”

  • christophburschka

    I can only wonder if those “just shoot him” people have ever been inside a dark and crowded theater that had just been teargassed.

    • Anony

      Plus, shooting a person in bullet-proof vest and riot gear is easier said than done.

  • andcientTechie

    When people start whining about their right to bear arms, I tell them that I fully support the right to bear the sort of firearms available in 1776.

  • Arkady

    Ugh, BBC Radio4 news played a clip from a US broadcast during their reporting yesterday. The US clip had a presenter that sounded indecently excited with every lurid detail…

    Mind you, UK news sometimes isn’t much better. A friend went to the gym where only Sky News (Murdoch-owned, not quite as bad as FOX) was playing, and they spent the entire 2 hours he was there on the same live feed from outside the cinema, obsessively reporting every minute irrelevant detail.


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