A Citizen of Earth
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It is pretty hard to argue with the science.
Astonishingly persuasive. Nice kitty! Bad dog!
Dog Diary vs. Cat Diary
*The Dog’s Diary*
8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 pm – Dinner! My favorite thing! 6:00 pm – Bath Time! Bummer! 7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
*The Cat’s Diary*
_Day 983 of My Captivity_
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now …
I see you’ve logged in under a pseudonym. This clearly comes from Henri.
We have both in our lives. I have a German Shepherd service dog who goes everywhere with me and is worth his considerable weight in gold. When we are at home, the true boss of the house is my husband’s Maine Coon cat. He is the alpha animal and he makes sure that the dog and my Flame Point Siamese understand that fact and treat him with proper respect.
El perro, el perro, es mi corazón. El gato, el gato, el gato no es bueno.
Actually, the Cat & Dog diaries are just as funny if you stop after “_Day 983 of My Captivity_”.
Does the narrator write for the Republican campaigns? Because he has the double standard down pat.
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