#DeathTweets (repost)

Maple Syrup on Pancakes#DeathTweets: Just chugged about a quart of Diet Coke. Now for the Mentos!

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#DeathTweets: me and my posse up at the old sanders mansion spoze to be a vampire lives here. yes or no, im bringin back PROOF!

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#DeathTweets: whoo boys nite out no idea howw mny driks ive had time to go tho wherz my keys

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#DeathTweets: Makin my own fireworks for the 4th this year! Sulfur, saltpeter, charcoal, yeah! Ima grind this shit down to powder now and

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#DeathTweets: Can’t believe I’m here in Pamplona, Spain! Whoops, gotta go, I think the bulls are coming!

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#DeathTweets: Man, look at this gator just lying in the sun. Ha! Sluggish, stupid reptile! Watch me kick this big bastard in the ass.

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#DeathTweets: Texting and driving? I’ve got it wired, man. Hell, I could do this in heavy traf

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#DeathTweets: Trying to get the riding mower started, so dark I can’t tell how much gas is in it. Hang on, got my lighter here.

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#DeathTweets: Taking pics at the Grand Canyon! If I hang onto this tree limb, I can get a fantastic shot of the river down there.

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#DeathTweets: Cleaning up some brush in my yard. Just went down and rented a woodchipper. Never used one before, but hey, how hard can it be?

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#DeathTweets: Best bro and me seein how close we can stand to the Amtrak train when it passes by today.

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#DeathTweets: Oh, man, scored the coolest new pet! This guy on Craigslist was actually GIVING AWAY a 16-foot python!

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#DeathTweets: What a bunch of surf-pussies! Dude, shark is just another word for fish. Hey, I’m not missing these waves!

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#DeathTweets: So this biker asshole took my parking place AGAIN. Wait, here he comes. Ha! Wait til he sees what I did to his bike.

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#DeathTweets: I’m out 4-wheeling with my Texas cousin! Hang on a sec – he wants me to hold his beer.

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#DeathTweets: Parachuting’s a lot cheaper since I learned to pack my own chutes! Geronimo!

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#DeathTweets: Having a wonderful time on safari! Oh man, look at that beautiful lion. And so close!

  • Randomfactor

    #DeathTweetsBakersfield: “Hey, y’all, watch THIS!”

  • douglaslm

    #DeathTweets: This African photo safari is really cool. Getting some great pics. But the lion cubs are not posed properly, I think I will just pop out and rearrange them

  • c2t2…

    Skeptics edition!

    #DeathTweets: Awful cramp in left shoulder. Going 2 buy magnet bracelet to correct blood flow

    #DeathTweets: GD news! quitting chemo bc new homeopathic treatment available

    #DeathTweets: Had vision, know what i must do 2 find happiness.

    #DeathTweets: new Jimson weed diet im losing so mch weight persimmon gooey alpha boxing fishh hhhhh

    #DeathTweets: 1st rattlesnakehandling bt dont wish me luck. jeesus keep me safe

    #DeathTweets: hurricne wont hurt me bc its gods judgment on fags praisejesus

    #DeathTweets: v hungry but all i need is food of the lord. gd will sustain me

    #DeathTweets: no antibiotics bc if its gods will i wil live

    • douglaslm

      :)

    • Hank Fox

      Wonderful!

      I’m having a serious DUH! moment: Why didn’t *I* think of that angle??

      • c2t2…

        Thanks! It was painful to deliberately butcher spelling and punctuation, so I’d never make it on twitter for real. I can’t even stand reading it most of the time.

    • Hank Fox

      Also, I meant these to be funny, but … there’s an obvious skeptic-themed one that’s not funny at all:

      #DeathTweets: Pain n my belly jst about killin me. Getn wors 2. M & D say no 2 doctor. Pastor comin ovr tonite for prayer circle.

  • F

    #DeathTweets: The easiest way to tell if the source is emitting radiation is to hold your hand in front until it feels warm.

  • Crudely Wrott

    #Death Tweets: Hello from Yellowstone. Whole family are watching and feeding the bears! They are so tame here! Got a picture of little Suzy and a big mama bear. So cute! Say, how about a picture of Suzy riding the bear?

    **Unfortunately, a true story. Circa 1957 when feeding bears was still in fashion and the bears were habituated to same. Parents put child on bear’s back for a picture. Bear removed child with extreme prejudice. Closed casket funeral for little Suzy.


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