As a new year dawns it is a perfect opportunity to have a fresh slate and become the kind of person we want to be. But our past and our self-destructive behavior are frequently our own worst enemy.
One of the challenges I notice many people face is the lack of mental self-discipline. This often surfaces in the form of allowing our emotions to rule our thought process. For instance, one trait I’ve observed is when someone is angry about an issue they then refuse to take part in an activity that would be of great benefit to them. Perhaps they get upset, so they refuse to participate in a get-together with positive, healthy people that they could learn from and glean growth in life skills from. Time and again I see someone who is angry about an unrelated situation allow that anger to control their actions—they are rude to people who love them and who’s experience and knowledge would be of benefit during difficult situations. Subsequently, they make rash or poor decisions (again in unrelated areas) that have unpleasant or negative consequences in their lives. Then they cannot understand why they are not getting ahead—why life is so difficult. That sense of disappointment then further fuels their attitude and they continue to make even more poor choices. They become resentful and develop an almost paranoid belief that everyone around them, and in fact life itself, is out to get them. This never ending cycle continues throughout their lives as they are never able to overcome their own self-sabotaging strategies.
James Allen said, “You cannot escape the results of your thoughts. Whatever your present environment may be, you will fall, remain or rise with your thoughts, your vision, your ideal. You will become as small as your controlling desire; as great as your dominant aspiration.”
Broken and wounded people spend their time looking for slights and insults so that they can be offended and hold grudges against others. It is virtually impossible for them to have healthy, life-giving relationships. Because they are more comfortable with turmoil in their life they seek out offenses and nurture them with a dedication that borders on obsession. They become unteachable as it is more comfortable to wallow in their suffering. They then pass this mentality on to their off-spring, creating another generation of broken and wounded families.
Look for the good in life and in life’s situations. Find positive people to speak encouragement and hope into your life. If you only hang around wounded people, you’ll never get healed. In our work, we find the best way to make significant life-altering change is to become educated on the topic, then to be mentored by someone who has overcame similar circumstances.
Here’s hoping the new year brings you the best life has to offer!
To find out more about having healthy , happy relationships, check out Rick’s book, Becoming Your Spouse’s Better Half: Why Differences Make a Marriage Great, at: