I was inspired to write this parody after reading a post published by The Independent. There is nothing quite like a strong, well-nigh singable rhythm to get the creative juices flowing.
Come out for the Dumbbell, ye scavenging crowd,
That lyin’ malfeasant who’s boorish and loud!
With horrible purpose he came from his tower
To drum up from nothing some ill-gotten power.
For the cry has gone up with a cheer from his crowd:
“Come out for the Dumbbell, the boorish and loud!”
When privilege is granted to those who have fame
And voices are silenced as misery reigns,
We’ll shout for a leader whose courage is true
Whose virtues are solid and long overdue.
But that won’t be Trump, O ye men of the crowd
Who elected the Dumbbell, the boorish and loud!
When crippling corruption might soon wreck our nation
And very well might plunge us into stagnation,
This self-righteous rogue takes the opulent office
And gives politicians a wink and a promise
The forgotten continue to form a great crowd
To defend the Dumbbell, the boorish and loud!
The Dumbbell’s a taker whilst others still give,
He promises payments but never delive’s.
A builder of buildings, while stealing from men,
Enriching his coffers by factors of ten.
A motley assortment will march with the crowd
Standing up for the Dumbbell, the boorish and loud!
He welcomes the wealthy, but cringes in fear
Lest a pouting performer on Saturday night,
Should threaten his pretense of self-styled might!
There’s hardly a man who’s more frequently cowed
Than this man, this Dumbbell, who’s boorish and loud.
He mocks the disabled, makes fun of the wise,
Chastises women because they have thighs;
An ignorant hireling who might be impeached
He’s backward in vision, sophomoric in speech.
Those learnèd of mind have now run from the crowd
That cheers on the Dumbbell, the boorish and loud!
The black and the white and the yellow and red,
The poor, the downtrodden, and those who seek bread,
The unemployed workers who seek to be hired,
Have little to hope for when he shouts, “You’re fired!”
I can’t for the life of me fathom the crowd
That fights for the Dumbell, the boorish and loud!
America looks for a leader who fights,
Who’ll take up the banner of those lacking rights,
Who won’t make big promises that can’t be kept,
Who isn’t on Twitter and proving inept,
But Lord save us please, and we’re praying out loud
From President Dumbbell, the boorish and loud.