Before I start, let me point out this post is not going to be X-rated.
Relationship is at the heart of Druidry. Now, aside from relationship with land, ancestors, spirit and all the other esoteric options out there, this also means we have every encouragement to think about relationships with each other. Generally speaking, paganism is a sex-positive spiritual approach. Even where you get folk dedicating themselves to chastity (I recall one article by a priestess of Vesta), it’s not about denigrating sex — it’s just a personal choice. This attitude tends to give all pagans a head start when it comes to things sexual. We don’t start out weighed down by guilt, defaulting to feelings of shame, or any of that misery. Some pagans work naked in ritual, many are at easy with nudity, and we’re body positive too, on the whole.
People who imagine sex is something you do TO someone else are mostly missing the point. When you start from a perspective of relationship, it’s all about the doing with. Sharing. Building relationship. Exploring together.
Respect is also a core feature of Druidry. Respect for others precludes using anyone in a sexual context, and respect for ourselves doesn’t encourage us to feel comfortable about being used, either. No means no, in a respectful scenario.
We value honour, so we won’t try and manipulate someone else into having sex with us. We won’t, if we are serious about our Druidry, lie to get someone else into bed. We won’t threaten, coerce, or try and make someone else believe we know what’s best for them, where they themselves disagree.
If you aren’t having sex out of love, best not to be doing it. That love can be as momentary as you like, a sudden flash of exquisite connection never meant to last. Eternal love is not the only form that counts. You can love intensely in the moment without needing to make a long term involvement of it. And equally, you can get into bed each night with a person you do not treat with care or respect, and that’ no sort of win. Real love takes many forms.
There is nowhere we should feel the need to leave our spiritual lives at the door. Sacred sex and celebratory sex can be very much part of a pagan life (though they don’t have to be). But the principles of love, respect, relationship, and celebration should always be with us when we get into intimate scenarios.