Ask Angus
Taking a break from the usual advice column, I present my reviews of this years Pantheacon….
After 10 years of attending Admiral Karen and me pretty much have this Pantheacon thing down. But that
doesn’t mean suprises weren’t in store, or revelations did not occur.
Because Pcon is the nutty Aunt and Uncle that your parents let you visit once a year, because they know it’ll ‘broaden’ you.
We arrived on Thursday night, because we’re smart. This is not a matter for discussion at the Freaky Tiki. Even when I was unemployed in 2012 and we were eating spiced dirt by lamplight the concept of arriving on Friday with the rest of the heaving Heathen Horde never occurred to us.
Nuh-uh. Not doing it.
Being driven to recess
But this year did feature a few new novelty toys for us to play with. First off, our car had died the week before, so we had to catch a professional ride to the DoubleTree. This was a “mini-limo”, which, lexically speaking, doesn’t make any sense, and yet such things exist.
Plenty of room in back to eat Jumbo Shrimp.
Now being Pcon veterans doesn’t mean we’ve streamlined anything: Our combined luggage filled the trunk of the mini-limo and also made a teetering tower on the front seat.
And yes, most of it was mine. Losing 10 pounds last year means that I fit into everything I own, so I felt confident enough to just bring…… everything I own. I figured I would figure out individual outfits as I went along.
Our driver was an authentic Navy man. You can tell because he had nothing but good things to say about the Coast Guard, and nothing at all to say about the Marines. He told us gruesome Vietnam stories until he realized he had creeped us both out, and then he
adroitly switched to talking about the Giants.
Way to work your tip, buddy.
A room of their own
Once on site it was heavenly to just stroll up the registration desk, where the 3 front desk clerks found my reservation right away. Blessings abound!
From there it was a skip and a jump to the bell hop station to choose which luggage cart we liked best. That right there was worth the extra $100 bucks to come in a day earlier.
And then, my stars, 4 empty elevators! We chose poorly though: #1 Elevator made weird, Moaning Myrtle noises all the way up to the 4th floor, which was not a good sign.
Another great reason to arrive early: Room placement. Because I worked in the Hospitality industry I knew to ask the right questions, and so our room was on a low floor, end of the hall, non-freeway side, near the back staircase. Easy access then, and low-noise. Blessings!
Maybe it was just lamenting, knowing that 2,000 perfectly round pagans and their accompanying mountains of luggage were On Their Way.
I would make grumpy sounds too.
Dinner at Cafe Ho-hum? Not tonight. Thursday is all about relaxation, and so we felt comfortable enough to leave the DoubleTree and explore a bit.
Also 1,600 big screen TVs, which were all tuned to the SAME basketball game. Come on folks, open up your channels a bit! Get some curling, some roller derby, some cock fighting, some barrel jumping on those other screens. Maybe some competitive eating – that would be good for business, right?
Across the street from the Convention is the M8trix-we-can’t-spell-and-don’t-call-it-a-card-room-Casino. Their sports bar has twice the menu at half the price of Cafe Ho-Hum, plus better looking servers.
Anyhoo, we were 8 at the M8trix: 4 couples, aged from their 30’s through their 70’s, with a mean mental age of a 14 year old Junior High boy. So the Important Issues of the Day centered mostly around the first chakra. Because nothing is more universal – or funnier – than poop, and penises.
Suggestion of the night: That we start a parody blog called “Raise the Antlers” that would make fun of Jason’s “Raise the Horns”.
Working the Green Fairy
Back at the Double Tree it was time to be of Service.
Jason and I bid farewell to our partners and friends and put on our socks and sandals: It was time for the Pretty Hair Twins to get to work.
We went to the Green Fairy room to help them decorate. This time we brought our own blue tape, iPhone playlist and boom box, because we have ridden in this particular rodeo before.
The room wasn’t open for business yet, and yet the archetypes were already there:Jason and I were in charge of putting the christmas lights up onto the moulding that circles both rooms of the party suite. We chose this job last year and re-upped for this year because we are both tall and when we raise our arms and look up our hair looks even prettier.
- The hot chick standing on the bed who is most likely gay (*sigh).
- The earnest worker bee who wasn’t talking or making eye contact with anybody.
- Lots of supervisors standing around playing with their tulle.
- And the old drunk guy in the chair spouting half profound/ half hilarious drivel at random intervals.
There was alcohol and tulle stacked everywhere. But then the booze seriously started to arrive (and arrive and arrive and
seriously and seriously and oh my god) and that was our clue to finish up the tape job and vamoose.
As Sean shruggingly explained it: “Well….we are fuckingDruids after all.
”We adjourned to the ADF Druid Room to see what Sean and his merry band had cooked up this year for last years friendliest hospitality suite (as chosen by the Pretty Hair Twins Sunday Night Hospitality Suite Crawl). This year they were going au naturel, with several altars of plants and boughs.
They were secured with our SWEAT.
I left Jason there and adjourned to catch up with my Santa Cruz homies. I called it a night about 11pm, or 3 hours earlier than I would for the next 3 nights.
What Blessings, Surprises and Revelations would await us on the ‘morrow – when Pantheacon actually began?
(I mean, besides doing something in front of a crowd that I’ve never done before??)
Angus McMahan
angusmcmahan@gmail.com
@AngusMcMahan
(Mini-Limo photo from motorcrave.com, Sports Bar photo from casinom8trix.com, Raise the Horns masthead stolen from Jason’s blog. Everything else courtesy of my iPhone.)
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In