Is your wife asking, “Are we okay?” 4 triggers that make her feel insecure in your relationship

Is your wife asking, “Are we okay?” 4 triggers that make her feel insecure in your relationship November 12, 2015

iStock_000026349756_Large

1. Conflict. For most guys, conflict is just conflict; it is fairly easy to put it out of your head and focus on whatever you’re doing that day.  But for most women… not so much. In my research for For Men Only, one woman explained it this way: “A lot of desperate feelings surface when I feel like my husband is displeased with me. I know it sounds old-fashioned, and I’m a pretty independent person, but it still really affects me.”  Another woman told me, “When we’re at odds, it’s like nothing is right with the world until that is resolved.”  Guys: she needs your reassurance that you still love her, and you’ll get through this just fine.

2. Withdrawal. When you are faced with conflict, or you feel angry or inadequate, you may retreat into silence to process, avoid saying something hurtful, or even escape unpleasant feelings for a time.  But for the woman in your life, your withdrawal typically generates more anxious emotions.  As one woman explained the feeling, “I know it sounds crazy, but I really do subconsciously wonder, ‘What happens if he doesn’t snap out of it this time?’”  Guys: before you get some cave time, tell her “I’m angry and need some space, but I want you to know: we’re okay.”

3. Silence. Women have a radar for unspoken conflict. So when you are quieter than usual, it’s easy to jump to conclusions – even if those conclusions might be wrong. As one woman described it, “If he’s quiet, it must be me.”  Guys: if you’re sitting in silence because you’re pondering the blowup at work, your parents’ health, or that awful turnover in the game Saturday, tell her.  Better yet: talk to her about it.  (“I’m not mad, don’t worry. I’m just concerned about work.  Joe said something about this one client….”)

4. Her emotional bank account is depleted.   Maybe she’s exhausted, or you’ve been absent a lot. Maybe the two of you have unresolved conflicts. Whatever the case (and even if it has nothing to do with you), concerns about your relationship will be more easily triggered if her emotional reserves are low.  Ask her about her feelings, listen with interest as she shares, give her a big hug and tell her how special she is to you.  That will help fill her emotional bank account right back up again!

Do you want Shaunti to share life-changing truths at your church or event? Inquire about Shaunti speaking, here.

Shaunti Feldhahn is the best-selling author of eye-opening, research-based books about men, women and relationships, including For Women Only, For Men Only, the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage, and her newest book, Through A Man’s Eyes. A Harvard-trained social researcher and popular speaker, her findings are regularly featured in media as diverse as The Today Show, Focus on the Family, and the New York Times. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.

"There are some HUGE assumptions based on stereotypes here. That men want more sex than ..."

How Your Husband Feels When You’re ..."
"Shaunti, about the divorce rate drop piece...has your study factored in any kind of "divorce ..."

New Study Shows Big Drop in ..."
"I agree, my husband has to keep his phone locked at work so he doesnt ..."

This One Sneaky Little Habit Could ..."
"I have to take issue with this. In the technology era we live in with ..."

This One Sneaky Little Habit Could ..."

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!


TRENDING AT PATHEOS Family
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • DatingMarriageSexInt

    I really like this post actually. I particularly likethe 10 commandments of paleo – just makes it easier to absorb and know where the boundaries are. On this topic, here’s a free report that reveals the 10 simple secrets to a success marriage, discover the key to creating and maintaining a marriage that filled with joy growth and happiness: http://bit.ly/1WIex3d

  • Vishnu Murthy

    Si many rule having importance thing only one that was choose feet of Jesus Mary Martha one sister have lot of work one of so passionate for Christ all with Jesus even those lady never shame in her life why beascse of Jesus son of God ekavaly God humble him obey father when we see about one man to run in place ganeseth he out from toom he live there but he saw Jesus of God full fire possess many evil sprite in him he could control him no also control him people bind chine when saw Jesus moment he rise run Jesus knelt day like son of God why come before time our time as not come Jesus life this evil sprite live him right now at moment he went swine that how swine run into sea they died owners of swine villege come live from our villege heal man went share ten place Jesus said to me don’t tell any but he told very name Jesus more affetble fame of enter that country what learn hear our God miracle God church praying for us it not human power okay it God work of holy Houston amen thank-you God bless s.a