About Shaunti Feldhahn

Shaunti Feldhahn is the best-selling author of eye-opening, research-based books about men, women and relationships, including For Women Only, For Men Only, The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages and her newest, The Good News About Marriage. A Harvard-trained social researcher and popular speaker, her findings are regularly featured in media as diverse as The Today Show, Focus on the Family, and the New York Times. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.

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I trusted him and he disappointed me

Worried couple using their laptop to pay their bills at home in the living room

Dear Shaunti, You and a lot of others talk about how much men need to feel respected and trusted.  So I trusted him.  And it blew up in my face.  My husband, Hank, and I own a travel business.  I am organized and like things done a certain way – and that way usually works. [Read More...]

Complaining kills, but discussion heals

Conflict 10

Dear Shaunti, I know you’re a researcher, but I think most marriage researchers are off the mark. See, I’m a direct person; that’s just how I roll.  And think in marriage it’s important to get things off our chest and let the other person know when they are doing something that bugs us. So I [Read More...]

How do I deflate my teenage son’s oversized ego and curb the cockiness?

sexy fashion man with beard dressed casual smiling against wall

Dear Shaunti,

I’m a single mom to two teenage boys, and because their dad was an arrogant man I’m highly sensitive to teenage cockiness. I really want to teach the boys humility. My 17 year old is fine, but my 15 year old is convinced he’s God’s gift to his school, every girl he meets, and the entire sport of soccer. It is driving me crazy. And the worst of it is: he actually is a great student, a charismatic boy, and an unusually gifted goalie. He works hard, but I feel like I can’t say “good job” because it will just go to his head. And he’s got such an inflated view of himself already. I feel like I need to let some of the air out of his ego by reminding him that he’s part of a team who are all doing well, or that his buddy got just as good grades as he did, or that the girl he liked was turned off by his bravado. But it hasn’t helped so far. What can I do to bring him down to earth? [Read more...]

Should I read my wife’s texts?

Girl Texting

Dear Shaunti,

My wife is the best person I know; she’s funny, warm, affectionate, and a hard worker. She’s also a great homemaker for me and our kids. We could have a fantastic marriage. The problem is me. I have no reason to suspect her of anything at all. In fact, I’m sure she’s never even considered cheating on me, but I’m extremely curious about who she e-mails and texts. If we’re together and her phone chimes, it’s almost impossible for me not to ask who it is, even though it has started to really bother her. Since I have no suspicions, why do I act this way? More importantly, what can I do to stop this behavior before it becomes a problem? [Read more...]

Don’t Let “Facebook Fantasies” Ruin Your View Of Your Spouse

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Dear Shaunti,

My husband and I have started arguing a lot about how much I look at Facebook, even though I only check it a couple of times a day. I think what my husband is really upset about is that I see what my friends’ husbands do for them — stuff he never does for me! They get the flowers, spa treatments, romantic dinners, and surprise getaways. Now, we are on a tight budget, and I know that, so he couldn’t shower me with luxurious treats even if he wanted to. The problem is: he doesn’t seem to want to! Should I have to give up Facebook just because I’m now getting a reality check on how humdrum our marriage is? Why shouldn’t I expect more from my husband? [Read more...]

How Do I Cope With My Super-Sensitive Husband?

Gossip

Dear Shaunti:

My husband is great at many things, but sometimes he struggles with getting a new task accomplished. Like, he’s great at carpentry, but it might take him two or three days to figure out how to create a new type of bookcase I want for the kids’ bedroom. But when I offer an opinion or suggest a solution, he goes ballistic. Why is he so sensitive? I’m just trying to help and he acts like I’m trying to stick a pin in his eye. Am I supposed to just shut up and quit offering my input when I think there’s a better way to do something? What happened to being equal partners? [Read more...]

Should I Pray For God to Make Me More … Um … Amorous?

Depressed Woman With Man In Background On Bed

Dear Shaunti,

Since sex is so important to my husband, and since you say it’s really about a man feeling desired by his wife, what can I do to get engaged and interested instead of just “accommodating” him? I know that just “going along with it” would be pretty depressing for him. But to be honest, I don’t feel that same type of desire for him, that he apparently feels for me. Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy it when we’re together. I just don’t have this overwhelming need to “go at it” the same way he does. Should I just pray for God to give me that desire? Or what? [Read more...]


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