Is your wife asking, “Are we okay?” 4 triggers that make her feel insecure in your relationship


1. Conflict. For most guys, conflict is just conflict; it is fairly easy to put it out of your head and focus on whatever you’re doing that day.  But for most women… not so much. In my research for For Men Only, one woman explained it this way: “A lot of desperate feelings surface when [Read More...]

Guys wonder: do compliments really matter? Three things your wife is secretly thinking:

Couple holding hands

“Am I beautiful?”  You may think your wife is beautiful, adorable, sexy, and you love to look at her.  And yet…. she probably sees all her flaws instead.  She has deep doubts about whether she is beautiful at all.  Little girls will spin in a pretty dress, asking “Daddy, am I pretty?”  And guys, your confident, [Read More...]

Your husband wants sex? 3 things he’s not saying out loud


Welcome to the weekly list at Ask Shaunti! Each Wednesday, join me as I share a few of the little, eye-opening things about men, women, and relationships that make a big difference in marriages and families. Your husband wants sex? 3 things he’s not saying out loud: 1. “I need to feel desirable.”  We women may [Read More...]

Play It Subtle When Talking With Teens

Mother Arguing With Teenage Daughter

Dear Shaunti,

I was driving my 16-year-old daughter home from volleyball practice recently when she brought up a funny comment made by one of the guys she knows at school. Then she said, “Anna said he told her he was going to ask me to Homecoming.” I was thrilled she was sharing something like that, since she’s been pretty tight-lipped the last year. And also thrilled for her, since she’s never been asked to a school dance before, and I know it would mean a lot to her. So I smiled at her and said “Wow, that is fantastic, honey!” I promise that’s all I said. But you would have thought I had shot off fireworks or something, because my daughter got this horrified look on her face and said, “I knew you’d freak out if I told you. That’s why I don’t tell you anything!” But I did not overreact, and I’m a little irritated that she says this is why she can’t talk to me. What do I do? [Read more...]

Actions Don’t Always Speak Louder than Words: How Should You Affirm Your Wife?


Dear Shaunti, I’m in hot water.  My wife is the most beautiful, amazing woman I know. (I’m sure she’d tell you otherwise, but it’s true.)  But I just don’t talk a lot, and it is hard for me to remember to say things like “You look pretty” out loud.  Last week, she had an epic [Read More...]

I’m Unhealthy and My Wife is Unhappy


Dear Shaunti,

Things haven’t been great between me and my wife the past few months. I’m not happy at work, we’re behind on our bills, and I’ve been pretty down. I’ve gained thirty pounds in the last year from eating a lot of junk and watching a lot of TV, which is not good because I’m a diabetic. I’ve wound up in the emergency room a couple times because of high blood sugar. My wife says she’s fed up and if I don’t start taking my health seriously and start looking for a job that makes me “less miserable” (her words, not mine), she is going to move in with her parents. I don’t know how I’d make it without her – she’s truly my better half and best friend. I just feel so paralyzed. What do I do? [Read more...]

My Lady Is A Loose Cannon


Dear Shaunti, I used to think I was crazy, but these days I feel like I’m the stable one in our house.  I recently read a news report where this guy called 911 because his wife refused to speak to him. It’s ridiculous, but I can relate. Just a couple days ago, we were out [Read More...]