Moms: 4 things your son secretly wishes you knew about his temptations

Moms: 4 things your son secretly wishes you knew about his temptations Even after years of researching what is in the heart and mind of men and boys, I still wasn’t quite ready when my pre-teen son began struggling with the same visual temptations as everyone else!  In honor of all boys who want to [Read More…]

For Women: Five Reasons to Have Sex with the Lights On

Yes, the idea is scary for many women!  But in 12 years of researching the things our husbands wish we knew but don’t know how to say, I heard the heart behind this wish – and saw five surprising reasons to take the risk. When he knows you want him, it increases intimacy.  A husband is [Read More…]

Ladies, do you know how to support your normal, visually-wired husband in this abnormal culture? 4 actions that matter

1. Show him you’re someone he can talk to about it. Regardless of where your man lands on the visual temptation spectrum, a calm conversation is the starting point.  But many men are hesitant to talk, since they are convinced their wives will never understand – or, worse, will be hurt.  So no matter what you’re [Read More…]

How do I convince my wife to let me see her body?

Dear Shaunti, OK, awkward question but here goes: how can I convince my wife to let me see her in all her glory?  We have a decent sex life, we don’t have any real marriage problems, and I’m careful to not check out other women.  But she still seems to feel like how she looks [Read More…]

Your husband wants sex? 3 things he’s not saying out loud

Welcome to the weekly list at Ask Shaunti! Each Wednesday, join me as I share a few of the little, eye-opening things about men, women, and relationships that make a big difference in marriages and families. Your husband wants sex? 3 things he’s not saying out loud: 1. “I need to feel desirable.”  We women may [Read More…]

Lackluster Sex Life? Be a Flirt!

Dear Shaunti,

My husband and I were both pretty sexually inexperienced when we first got married, so everything about our sex life was new, mysterious and exciting. But now we have two teenagers and we both work full-time. When we find the time for physical intimacy, it feels very forced. Like we’re just going through the motions. And that old spark isn’t there outside the bedroom either. A friend suggested that we watch porn movies to get us back to the old excitement, but I’m really not comfortable with it – is that something we should consider? I just want us to be excited about our physical relationship again. It sounds like a cliché to ask what we can do to spice things up again, but… what can we do to spice things up again? [Read more…]

Should I Pray For God to Make Me More … Um … Amorous?

Dear Shaunti,

Since sex is so important to my husband, and since you say it’s really about a man feeling desired by his wife, what can I do to get engaged and interested instead of just “accommodating” him? I know that just “going along with it” would be pretty depressing for him. But to be honest, I don’t feel that same type of desire for him, that he apparently feels for me. Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy it when we’re together. I just don’t have this overwhelming need to “go at it” the same way he does. Should I just pray for God to give me that desire? Or what? [Read more…]


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