Time to Hang up the Hurt, Hang out Together, and Hang On

Loving Mature Couple

Dear Shaunti, My husband and I have been married for 20 years. I still care for my husband, but for the most part, I avoid him. I find him difficult to be around. I really don’t enjoy his company. I have felt hurt, disrespected and uncared for so many times that I have up some [Read More...]

Does being “all-in” mean not having boundaries?

Couple holding hands

Dear Shaunti, I just finished your book The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, and learned a lot.  But I also noticed that one of your research findings is the importance of not holding anything back emotionally.  Yet I’m also reading Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud. It feels like a tension there between his [Read More...]

Spill Out Your Secrets To Fill Up Your Marriage

Sad young couple paying bills.

Dear Shaunti, Just before I got married, my grandmother presented me with a check – more zeroes than I’d ever seen next to my name – with the stipulation that it was my “special” fund. I was to park the money someplace safe and use it only for me; she advised me not to tell [Read More...]

Did Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn REALLY break up because of “time?”


View image | gettyimages.com Dear Shaunti, My wife and I got into a “discussion” the other day that has me baffled. She’d read that Tiger Woods and his girlfriend, Lindsey Vonn, said they broke up because they didn’t spend enough time together. I said that obviously wasn’t the real reason because no one actually breaks [Read More...]

Complaining kills, but discussion heals

Conflict 10

Dear Shaunti, I know you’re a researcher, but I think most marriage researchers are off the mark. See, I’m a direct person; that’s just how I roll.  And think in marriage it’s important to get things off our chest and let the other person know when they are doing something that bugs us. So I [Read More...]

Should I read my wife’s texts?

Girl Texting

Dear Shaunti,

My wife is the best person I know; she’s funny, warm, affectionate, and a hard worker. She’s also a great homemaker for me and our kids. We could have a fantastic marriage. The problem is me. I have no reason to suspect her of anything at all. In fact, I’m sure she’s never even considered cheating on me, but I’m extremely curious about who she e-mails and texts. If we’re together and her phone chimes, it’s almost impossible for me not to ask who it is, even though it has started to really bother her. Since I have no suspicions, why do I act this way? More importantly, what can I do to stop this behavior before it becomes a problem? [Read more...]

Don’t Let “Facebook Fantasies” Ruin Your View Of Your Spouse

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Dear Shaunti,

My husband and I have started arguing a lot about how much I look at Facebook, even though I only check it a couple of times a day. I think what my husband is really upset about is that I see what my friends’ husbands do for them — stuff he never does for me! They get the flowers, spa treatments, romantic dinners, and surprise getaways. Now, we are on a tight budget, and I know that, so he couldn’t shower me with luxurious treats even if he wanted to. The problem is: he doesn’t seem to want to! Should I have to give up Facebook just because I’m now getting a reality check on how humdrum our marriage is? Why shouldn’t I expect more from my husband? [Read more...]