Believing the Best Isn’t Letting Him Off the Hook


Dear Shaunti, In one of your books, you say it’s important to believe the best of your spouse’s intentions.  But all that does is give your spouse license to hurt you again and again without consequences.  Who cares what their intentions are, if the result is pain?  My husband says things that are harsh to [Read More...]

Realistic Tips for Reeling Him Back In

Sad tired woman

Dear Shaunti, My husband and I have been married 22 years and I love him, but we’ve been arguing a lot lately.  We both work a lot and have two children busy with extracurricular activities, so we spend a good bit of time apart. I tend to be a control freak and, as my husband [Read More...]

Time to Hang up the Hurt, Hang out Together, and Hang On

Loving Mature Couple

Dear Shaunti, My husband and I have been married for 20 years. I still care for my husband, but for the most part, I avoid him. I find him difficult to be around. I really don’t enjoy his company. I have felt hurt, disrespected and uncared for so many times that I have up some [Read More...]

Does being “all-in” mean not having boundaries?

Couple holding hands

Dear Shaunti, I just finished your book The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, and learned a lot.  But I also noticed that one of your research findings is the importance of not holding anything back emotionally.  Yet I’m also reading Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud. It feels like a tension there between his [Read More...]

Spill Out Your Secrets To Fill Up Your Marriage

Sad young couple paying bills.

Dear Shaunti, Just before I got married, my grandmother presented me with a check – more zeroes than I’d ever seen next to my name – with the stipulation that it was my “special” fund. I was to park the money someplace safe and use it only for me; she advised me not to tell [Read More...]

Did Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn REALLY break up because of “time?”


View image | Dear Shaunti, My wife and I got into a “discussion” the other day that has me baffled. She’d read that Tiger Woods and his girlfriend, Lindsey Vonn, said they broke up because they didn’t spend enough time together. I said that obviously wasn’t the real reason because no one actually breaks [Read More...]

Complaining kills, but discussion heals

Conflict 10

Dear Shaunti, I know you’re a researcher, but I think most marriage researchers are off the mark. See, I’m a direct person; that’s just how I roll.  And think in marriage it’s important to get things off our chest and let the other person know when they are doing something that bugs us. So I [Read More...]