The Girl in the Mirror: Stop Complaining and Start Complimenting!

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Dear Shaunti: I used to really look forward to our Friday night date nights, but they’ve become a source of tension. For meetings at work, my wife is spot on time. But for our dates, she takes SO LONG getting ready you’d think she’s about to compete on “Dancing with the Stars.” I’m a pretty [Read More...]

Too Tired for Sex?

Dear Shaunti, We have young kids, and often I’m so exhausted that I just want to go to sleep without my husband trying to start something. Most of the time I have absolutely no interest in sex late at night, after running afternoon carpool, juggling karate and ballet lessons, making dinner, helping with homework (my [Read More...]

Isn’t “take care of yourself for your husband” just misogynistic propaganda?

Dear Shaunti, I can hardly write this, I’m so upset by one of your columns. You shared that it was important for a woman to “take care of herself” for her husband, and that it was “the effort that mattered” not the results. First of all, this is a dangerous throwback to 1950’s America where [Read More...]

Where Did Mr. Romance Go?

Dear Shaunti, I wish my husband were more romantic. I love spending time with him—we work out together and go to the movies, you know, normal couple stuff—but some of my best friends have husbands who plan candlelit dinners or whisk them off on romantic getaways a lot. My best friend’s boyfriend just surprised her [Read More...]

How can I get my wife to stop playing games with me?

Dear Shaunti, How do I get my wife to not play games, and just share what she’s thinking? Two days ago, we dropped off our youngest child at college, so my wife and I planned two days of empty-nester sightseeing on the way back. Yesterday was fine, but this morning, my wife seemed down, but [Read More...]

How do I get my wife to realize not every problem has to be fixed right this minute?

Dear Shaunti, I work long hours at a power plant, and my wife often sends me text messages or calls me about little issues happening that day. Like, a minor problem she’s having at the house. Or that our daughter skinned her knee at preschool. Or something came up with a dinner she’s planning. Usually, [Read More...]

A wife who keeps score

Dear Shaunti, I love my wife, but I really hate her “things you do wrong” list. I pull away to avoid it, but the more I pull away, the more tempted I am to check out of the relationship. During normal times, things are fine. But whenever we argue about something, out comes the list [Read More...]


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