My time with Hinduism is winding down. I feel a variety of emotions as I think of the quarters to come. Sad: Hinduism is so beautiful, so rich, and so surprisingly fulfilling that I am loath to move on. Grateful: I’ve learned so much. I feel joyfully changed from my experience so far. I feel like I am a better person, a more complete me. Excited: Feri is next and I look forward to getting back to that. Plus, there are many similarities between tantra and Feri. I had no idea. It’s an exciting discovery and I think exploring those intersections will be rich – and scary! But scary in the good way. Dread: Christianity is one section closer.
Which leads to me think that I may change-up the plan for this blog. As I listen to my heart and take seriously what I’ve learned, I do not believe that I can practice as a Christian in any sincere capacity. I have a love of that tradition, particularly the Eastern Orthodox tradition. But every time I think about attending church, reading the bible, and just flat-out trying to think and act like a Christian, I get knots in my gut. I am not a Christian and I do not want to be one. To attempt to practice as one would be spiritual tourism and disrespectful to sincere believers and the tradition itself.
I give thanks to Christianity and Christian culture for teaching me so much. I am grateful for my theological studies – I am a better thinker and a smarter human for having read the thoughts of great Christian thinkers. But I feel it is right to let it go for good. For now I will continue on with Feri as planned and listen for what is appropriate and necessary come late December.