The Equinox is coming. It occurs on March and September 21, midpoints between the Summer and Winter Solstices. This year it occurs on Saturday, the 22, but I’m be observing it today, Friday, the 21st. The Equinox is when the days and nights are of equal length; light is balanced.
For several years now I’ve used it as a day of fasting and deep cleaning my house. I don’t fast when pregnant or nursing, but this year, as the baby is now 19 months old and nursing infrequently, I’m going to give a day without food another try. I’m still going to be making food for my family. In fact, I’m going to be making rabbit stock and several batches of tomatillo salsa to put in the freezer. But no eating. No tea or coffee or wine. And no internet.
It’s a day to step back, take a time out, reset. Autumn is fully upon us here in the Pacific North West. That means summer is over and after my summer a rest is indeed in order.
Perhaps it’s no coincidence that this time of year lines up with Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. In the Jewish tradition, the New Year occurs first, then a period of mourning and forgiveness. This morning while brushing my teeth and then while meditating I had a flash of insight about the difficulties of my summer. I saw how arrogant I was, and how I’ve been about the whole thing. How hurt I am by several things that occurred over the summer. I am not heaping unnecessary blame upon myself, and I’ve taken responsibility for my actions, but I think I’m finally feeling the full weight of them. It’s uncomfortable. I don’t like it. I cannot make other people address things when I want them addressed, and I see some wisdom, not in avoiding, but in taking time. I can be too demanding that things get worked out Right Now.
It’s always embarrassing to see our own poor behaviour, to realize that we don’t quite have our shit in the order we thought we did. In time I hope I can have some compassion for myself and others, and forgive myself.
So that’s what I’m going to be focussing on this Equinox. Taking some time to sit with myself. To offer up thanks for all the lessons learned. To make a boatload of kala. To ask myself for forgiveness. To cleanse – my house and my self. Hopefully I can get all my parts aligned so that I can go forth into my favorite time of year more prepared, more humbled, more hopeful.
I hope you find the balance, peace, and forgiveness you need, too.