When the going gets tough, and it often does when one attempts ‘advanced living,’ what do you do?
After my weekend in Canada, my week was a rough come down. My period started; I was physically exhausted and sleep deprived. My son turned five and we threw a larger than usual birthday party. My in-laws came to town. And my husband and I took some risks while at the same time excavating some intense relationship stuff. Did I reach out to friends? Did I fall back on the foundations of my spiritual practice? Did I use my tools? Yes, no, and no.
ROOKIE MOVE, WHITING.
Now that we are coming down from the intensity of the last week I see how helpful finding some time to sit in meditation would have been. To have made kala daily. To make offerings and ask for my Allies’ assistance. The 5 minutes I spent crying in front of my altar, telling any thing that would listen that I’d really screwed things up, could have been better spent. But it was an honest outpouring.
I am reminded of a story I’ve heard about O Sensei, the founder of Aikido. A student asks him, “Why are you never off center?” He replies, “I fall off center, but I return to center so quickly you do not notice.”
That is the goal of daily practice, is it not? My only consolation is that even though I ‘forgot’ my tools this week, I find that I’ve come back to center so much more quickly than I would have before. My partner and I worked through our issues faster and more smoothly than the last time. I’ll be out of the weeds before I know it.