How To Pray Badly

If you look at a thing 999 times, you are perfectly safe; if you look at it for the 1000th time, you are in danger of seeing it for the first time. -- G.K. Chesterton The modern world cannot comprehend the fact of the Saint. Actually, I'm becoming ever-more convinced that the modern world can't comprehend much at all -- but that's beside the point.The reason she shudders and grinds to a halt when contemplating the Contemplators is the false idea that 'one must simply get tired of it all'. … [Read more...]

Serial Killers Are Boring

Our world is in the pitifully awkward position of informing us that our gravest sins are not sinful at all, while damning the most modest and the most innocent of our vices. Thus we have it that abortion and euthanasia are in and with-it, masturbation is healthy, pornography is good for your marriage, sodomy is an old-fashioned, oppressive term...and it is illegal to smoke in a bar. (I mean, my dear man! We do have standards, you know.)  The daring and exciting - Kinky Sex OMG! - is toted as norm … [Read more...]

How To Love a Girl

There are two ways not to love a girl. The first is the most obvious, and hardly needs mention, but for totality's sake, I put before you the Secular Humanist Model. This model, from every angle and direction it's looked at, sucks. You've all heard it before, its maxim - anything goes between two consenting adults - and its one and only commandment - unless otherwise specified, no cheating. This relationship is interesting because it is simultaneously greater and worse than the relationships of … [Read more...]

Internet Pride

I have an enormous respect for the way humanity has chosen to describe God. The atheist may mock the "old man in the sky" picture of God as childish, but I admire the same description because it is childish. No, it is not scientifically accurate - nothing is - but it does illustrates a radical accuracy; that we are God's children. That he is a Father. And that he is above us. Ever noticed that atheists aren't great at understanding when we're being metaphorical? Oh well, maybe they're using … [Read more...]

Suffer On

About two weeks ago, sitting on my front porch and deep-talkin', a dear friend of mine - who plays a dirty blues guitar and has a deep and abiding love of The White Stripes -  relayed to me a conversation he'd had that I've been reflecting on ever since. The topic was Zen Buddhism. Now it came up that, somewhere in Tibet, there was a group of monks who had, by all accounts, done it, found The Answer, achieved Enlightenment and reached Nirvana. Whatever they termed it, it all amounts to this; th … [Read more...]

Sitting Where We Sat

A squirrel in the woods - doing whatever it is that squirrels do to avoid getting shot and eaten by Catholics tired of fasting - sounds sporadic and jittery and disordered; a pitter here and a patter there. A man walking through the same woods - doing whatever it is that certain men do to acquire the inspiration to write essays - sounds rhythmic; a clump, clump, clump, clump that a symphony could be set to. That, as far as I can tell, is the difference between men and squirrels. As man's feet … [Read more...]

All Praise To God the Forgetful

There's a great story about St. Margaret Mary Alacoque who, when she first started recieving visions of our Lord Jesus, did the very sensible Catholic thing and consulted her confessor about them. The confessor - a private-revelation-is-stupid kind of man - assumed that the visions were from the devil. He gave her a series of questions to ask Him, in order to prove He was who He said He was. The vision answered all the questions truthfully, but the confessor was not convinced. He told St. … [Read more...]

Peace, Love AND A SWORD.

Happy Sabbath! Peace be with you!Christ - that crazy rabbi - was all about peace. Hear him preach to the masses: "Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you…" But how - one might ask - can such messages possibly be reconciled with that powerful statement worthy of being tattooed across every Irish Catholic's chest: "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword." … [Read more...]


First of all, many apologies for my prolonged vacation. I wanted to get my life in order so I wouldn't feel quite so hypocritical posting calls to holiness. It's not in order, but it's better, which is really the story of holiness, and what it means to be a bad Catholic. It's all screwed up, but it's better. That sounded depressing. My bad.Anyhow, this post is for a girl who has a profoundly special place in my heart, to the point where I cannot recall a day spent in the last two years … [Read more...]

Wine When It Is Red

It was truthfully said that if Catholicism had not elevated wine to a sacrament, another religion would have. But as it turns out, it is Catholicism that heightens the romance of things over their physical nature, and so of course it is in our fantastic Church that wine is God. What a radical statement that is! And yet how understandable. It's as if the world was preparing for wine to become salvation. Actually, if you'll forgive the stream of consciousness, let me correct myself: The world … [Read more...]