Nothing Worth Sharing More…

I'm not usually big on sharing spiritual experiences, but I figure I should follow my own advice as explained in the Joyful Mysteries post, and let you guys know about something beautiful.I was on a retreat last weekend, and it was fantastic. My friends and I were leaders, goodness knows why, instructed to bring kids closer to God. Part of the retreat was handing out spiritually affirming letters written by our parents, friends and leaders. Basically, it was a time to recognize the … [Read more...]

Why I Am Catholic!

Frank Weathers, from the ever brilliant and ever holy blog Why I Am Catholic, was brave enough to let me guest post about why I personally am Catholic. I am immensely grateful to him.go HERE if thou pleaseth.Or stay right here and check out the newest SprayMarian installment, that highly noble institution.Whatever you do, know that your Lord loves you, that the whole Church is behind you, that our Mother is interceding for you, and that nothing but eternal joy awaits the followers of … [Read more...]

More News From the Fast Food Front

So in case you missed it, I work in a violently religious fast food setting. To keep you updated, and happy, I bring to you the following absolutely real excerpts. You saw them here first, bad Catholics.My Korean friend: (behind me, making food) "So what about babies that die before being baptized, do they go to hell?"Me: (washing dishes) "No, because they are innocent and God is merciful."Her: "I agree."Me: "Same with adults."Her: "What?"Me: "You know, if an adult is innocent and has never been … [Read more...]

As Promised!

The rules video for a retreat my friends and I are running. Unprofessional and ridiculous, it might be the best thing ever:Also, I plan on releasing a series of, er, sermons by Spaniel Biter on this blog, so look out for them. … [Read more...]

This Place Is Crazy

With apologies to the various back-to-nature promoters of whose fervor knows no equal; we aren’t natural people. And this isn't a natural world.On the contrary, we’ve lived in a supernatural world with supernatural souls for so long that we’ve decided it natural, and thus boring, when nothing could be further from the truth. We are a book read twice, and the antidote to this monotonous re-read can only be a third read. Then we will see ourselves for the first time, in the shining light of … [Read more...]

Sin When It Lacks

I'm very, very excited that I get to give a talk at my parish's high-school retreat. My talk is on forgiveness and reconciliation. And, as I've been thinking/praying about this, a big thing that's been coming up is the John Paul II quote posted in a comment by, on Pictures of Naked Women. Here it is again:Did I mention that your boy goes hard?I bet he listens to Polish trance-core whileskiing. That or Gregorian chant."The problem with pornography is not … [Read more...]


The Annunciation.The Visitation.The Nativity.The Presentation in the Temple.The Finding in the Temple.I was thinking, as I am apt to do, of a cool metaphorical meaning one might get from these fantastic mysteries of the Rosary. They could be easily seen as a solid 5-part lesson on life in the Holy Spirit.1. The Annunciation. Our Lord asks Mary to bear His Son, and Mary says yes, saving us all. There's enough meditation on this incredible moment in human history - the deus ex … [Read more...]

Likely Places

Blogs are stupid, mostly because of this:But also because of the word blog. It just sounds immature. The worst subtitle for a blog, ever, ever, ever would be as follows: Random Musings on Finding God in Unlikely Places. I will mock the crap out of that blog if I ever find it.Anyways, my point is - though like most of my points, it comes a little late - that many Christians have a habit of expressing the desire to find God in unlikely places, and I think it is a little silly. So silly, in fact, … [Read more...]

Go Hard.

In which I justify this guy's existence. There is an underlying theme in the word of God and an underlying principle in our religion that might be considered shocking: in all things go hard. Or, in an attempt to give Catholic hard-liners something to toast with; omnia valere. (Or, in an attempt to relate to teenagers of 1999-2004: Go Big or Go Home.) In matters of sin and virtue the greatest crime is not to be evil; it is to be lukewarm, neither good nor evil but full of evasion, … [Read more...]

How To Enjoy Beer

And God sayeth, "Don't make to much of it. It'sdelicious, but probably won't bring salvation. That'swine, remember?"The most painful paradox Christianity offers - and if carried out, the happiest - is that we must die to ourselves in order to fully live. Advent is a time to give this insanity a decent shot, in preparation for the coming of the God-man: Not to be miserable, but to be able to enjoy everything fully. Let me explain. Though often associated with long faces and skinny … [Read more...]