The Crookedhart Emails – Re: Death by a Conviction in Mantillas

No, this is not the lucky result of a google image search. This is Crookedhart. More on it later! Dear Rothoof, I'm happy - a poor choice of word, I know - to hear that your man has found out about Catholic factions. Not to be too optimistic, though we did invent that particular worldview, but this may be all you need to drag him down into our warm, warm, inviting arms. I should rephrase, at any rate. From your email it does not seem that your man has 'found out' factions, for to find … [Read more...]

How To Be Good

(Disclaimers: stream-of-consciousness, potentially loaded with projections of personal problems as absolutes, too wordy, might be limited to those who feel inclined to evil, if that ain't allayuh, too long.) I agree firmly with whoever Sean Connery was pretending to be in whatever that one movie was called, in which he informed a pupil that one must begin writing before they can write, even if it is merely copying some other work before personal work comes forth. Some day I will show you what … [Read more...]

Indecent Exposure

In which I demand atheists defend the wearing of pants. I might just be depressed, or maybe I'm a dark-minded and morbid Catholic, but I can't help but agree with Robert Browning: "There may be a heaven; there must be a hell." I can enter into some solidarity with today's atheist, that it's difficult to know if there's some absolute good in the universe, but we part ways totally when he claims that there's no absolute evil. We may or may not be destined for great heights, but it's painfully … [Read more...]

Eucharistic Addiction

(Spoiler Alert: The Eucharist is God in the form of bread and wine.) To hear your average Catholics - alright, let's be honest, to hear some Catholics who actually care about the faith - speak on the Eucharist, I would sympathize with the modern eavesdropper who would leave the conversation thinking that he had overhead a couple of junkies praising a life-consuming drug. Our phrases our peppered with a fiendish, ravenous hunger, from Flannery's "it is the center of existence for me; all the … [Read more...]

The Crookedhart Emails – Re: You’re an Idiot

Dear Rothoof, There's just no other way to say it: You are an inadequate excuse for a demon. I told you which church to send him to, did I not? I told you that the ideal situation for your man to be in was one of considering Catholicism as merely another denomination, to see The Church as a church. This would have been delightful, as it subtly creates in the man a lack of commitment, a sense of well-I-can-always-leave-for-another that would dull him. The Bride of Christ would have been, for … [Read more...]

How To Read Blogs

Rule Number One:¬†Use your eyeballs. Sorry I haven't p-p-p-posted in like chika-chika-4 days. I have been white-water rafting in the grand canyon, killing bald eagles, and dressing in their skin. Actually I was at Franciscan University, which really amounts to the same thing, meeting new people, (including some fellow bloggers, like the ever wonderful Michelle who writes at Catholic Unveiled, and deserves your attention, AND support, for she is heading off to Mexico to live the Catholic … [Read more...]

The Crookedhart Emails – Re: Catholics Cheat!

Dear Rothoof, The first thing I would like to strike from your mind is the idea that, since your man is Catholic, you have to change your game. While it's true, Catholics have infuriating quirks and delicious weaknesses that must be taken into account, the basics stay the same, the Infernal Catechism still applies: Make him sin. I took the liberty of checking your man's file, and I see that upon becoming Catholic, he has made some renewal, some promise to put a stop to the sexual sins that … [Read more...]

The Crookedhart Emails – Introduction

Dear Rothoof,May I begin by saying you're a damned fool? (The 'damned', of course, was my attempt at humor, for - as we all know - Our Kingdom Below is the only place where intelligence and sanity still reign, and really, it's the Place We Left that holds the damned, under the iron rule of Our Stupid Enemy.)But you truly are a fool. Your man has become a Catholic, primarily as a result of your lazy negligence. I specifically told you to be wary of the influence of his grandmother; or do you not … [Read more...]

The Desperation of the Atheists

I guess I never realized it, but our non-believing folk are quite excited about the idea of disproving the existence of God. Apparently, it will halt mankind from waging war, smoking, and feeling awkward about gay sex, while simultaneously leading to a brotherhood amongst men via increased time spent on the Holy Internet. But honestly - though these goals send shivers of warmth down my typing fingers - I would venture that the atheist is almost too excited, in that every new discovery - or old … [Read more...]

Good Work

Dear Catholic artists, musicians, filmmakers, writers, photographers, architects, bloggers, designers and everyone else. C.S. Lewis has something extremely important to tell you. Listen. Until quite recently - until the latter part of the last century - it was taken for granted that the business of the artist was to delight and instruct his public. There were, of course, different publics; the street-songs and the oratorios were not addressed to the same audience (though I think a good many … [Read more...]


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