My Sex Education

...was taught by Planned Parenthood. Which is funny, because they're stupid.In walks the lady with her box of condoms, handing out surveys. I forget the exact questions, except that they all had yes or no answers, and - sadly - no answer entitled, "what the hell is wrong with you, that's the dumbest thing anyone's ever asked me in my life." So I was forced to write it in. Wait, one question I do remember: "Do you think birth control education will reduce abortions?"O.K. Clearly these … [Read more...]

Damming God

Happy Sabbath!Today - in a rather pointed rebellion against Protestant boredom - we celebrate the fact that Jesus Christ meant what he said and said what he meant, when he told that confused and bewildered crowd to eat His flesh and drink his blood. It's really what separates the person of Christ from the "good moral teacher" the crowds of the world wish to consecrate Him into. No matter how peaceful and tolerant the lecture, and no matter the extent to which you are convinced that he "just … [Read more...]

Suffer!

Watching the devastation sweep over Japan has convinced me of a few things: that we are sheltered, comfortable and safe. As our brothers and sisters have their houses ripped away from them, we have ours still, and likely heated to the temperatures we want them to be. This dichotomy is no fault of our own, but our response to the gaping gap of comfort is entirely our responsibility. So, in the same vein of what we discussed earlier, let's become earthquake victims.So much food has been lost; let … [Read more...]

Sitting Where We Sat

A squirrel in the woods - doing whatever it is that squirrels do to avoid getting shot and eaten by Catholics tired of fasting - sounds sporadic and jittery and disordered; a pitter here and a patter there. A man walking through the same woods - doing whatever it is that certain men do to acquire the inspiration to write essays - sounds rhythmic; a clump, clump, clump, clump that a symphony could be set to. That, as far as I can tell, is the difference between men and squirrels. As man's feet … [Read more...]

40 Days of Badassery

So, now comes the time when everyone tells you, "Lent isn't just about giving things up, it's about taking things on. Think about what you can do, not what you can remove from your life." Which is all fine and dandy, to be sure, but also stupid. Mortification is important. Mortification is what's necessary. I want a bumper sticker that says "Put the pain back in Lent!" or "Self-denial is the reason for the season!" Just because it would shake things up. The world can understand us 'getting more … [Read more...]

Politics Unusual

Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I was skiing. Really! See there I am, skiing my heart out, far, far, far too busy to post on BadCatholic. But what goes skiing must come back and post, which I understand to be a wise saying, and so watch this.Jon Stewart is the man. He points out that no one likes the right/left polarization of the media, just as no one likes the right/left polarization of the country. So what's the answer? Well, in a word, Catholicism. Part of what I love about … [Read more...]

Unimaginable

I find that if a phrase seems beautiful and poetic, it is usually not considered so because of a well-placed inflection, a mere complex wording or surprising diction, but because it strikes a truth that our hearts know, but our minds are not aware of. After all, if we are made in the image and likeness of God then we have hearts shaped with divine truths, and souls molded with the answers to questions the brain asks.Thus it is with the phrase "unimaginable love." We use this term to describe … [Read more...]

How Not To Have Sex

There are times when I look and survey the modern world and understand the appeal. I understand why the preachings of wealth, materialism, modernism, relativism, secularism and all the doctrines and dogmas of Today hold the congregation sway. It's attractive - at a shallow glance - and I get it, because it's all about our selves, and that's fun. No rules, live for yourself, nobody is more right than anyone else - all fine and dandy drugs for the taking.But what I simply cannot fathom, what … [Read more...]

How To Live

For all the absolutely millions of acres of millions of things a man can do - from being joyful, to dancing, to learning to play the sitar, from reading the dictionary to blowing up his car - there are only ten forbidden. This is no strictness, these forbidden ten, but a generosity and an easiness so immense it may only be described as divine. God  is the dad who takes his kids to the playground: "don't hurt yourself, and don't pee on the slide, but besides that do what you want." … [Read more...]

Conversations With a Calvinist

So there I was, washing dishes, getting chicken grease off of industrial sized pans, when a friend mentioned that her father was writing a book.Me: Yeah, what's it called?Her: Calvinism and the Doctrine of Grace.Me: You're one of those lucky, pre-destined few?Her: Yeah, I'm one of the elect.Me. Cool. Well I guess that's cooler than being an Evangelical.Her: I am an evangelical!Me. Ah. I meant Baptist, it's better than being a Baptist.Her: I am a Baptist! I'm a Reformed Baptist.Me: Ohhhh, well by … [Read more...]


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