The Ogre: “Every time you smile at me, I imagine you picking up that steak knife and stabbing me.”
Me: “Hahahahaha that’s so funny! That’s the same thing I’m imagining!”
The Ogre: “…”
Me: “Happy anniversary, though.”
The Ogre: “Wait, what day is this?”
Happy anniversary to my sparring partner. May you continue to pull your punches and pretend that you’re not for years to come, or until I surpass you with my mad taekwondo skillz and you have to defend yourself for real, sucka.