Today’s Writing Lesson, Courtesy of Ebola

The cover of this week’s Dallas Weekly magazine quite simply overflows with irony. Irony, according to the OED, is “a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what was or might be expected; an outcome cruelly, humorously, or strangely at odds with assumptions or expectations.” Dallas Weekly’s cover has some comic [Read More...]

The Child’s Cry Out of a Nightmare

  Last night I wanted to read the Psalms before bed, but when my Bible fell open in Jeremiah, I started reading. I don’t know why I did that; I knew better. My subconscious must have absorbed the way I’ve been reading the news for the past few days and programmed itself to follow the [Read More...]

Pig Steals Beer, Gets Drunk, Starts Fight with Cow

At a campground in Western Australia over the weekend, a feral pig guzzled down 18 beers that had been left out improperly secured. And just like anyone 18 beers in at a rural dive bar, the pig got big-headed and decided to start a fight with a cow, resulting in the cow chasing the pig [Read More...]

Ebola Anxiety

I can’t think of anything to write about because all I can think about is ebola. I know I’m insanely alarmist, and I’m trying really hard not to be. Clearly I am not succeeding. Please don’t fill up my combox with all the science-y reasons about why it’s not going to spread and why I [Read More...]

So You Think I’m a Homemaker?

Six months ago, I bought a big whiteboard to function as a chore chart. On Saturday, I finally put it up. After it was up for 24 hours, I couldn’t handle the big, rectangular blankness of it, so I began designing a chore chart for my wee hellions minions. The first four drafts were based [Read More...]

An Eye for an Eye

Last night, I was on the phone with Charlotte’s godfather, whining about how I’m sick again, with a horrible sore throat, and how the Ogre has to work every night, and how everything is a study in tragedy — then Liam threw a package of paper towels at my face. I was annoyed, and told [Read More...]

Conversations with the Ogre

The Ogre: “So, are you still ovulating?” Me: ” ‘Still’? Babe, do you even know how ovulation works?” The Ogre: “I know you guys shove an egg down a conveyor belt or something and I have to wait until it falls off the other end.” Me: “Wow. No wonder it took us 10 years to [Read More...]

The Super Sublimation of NFP

This is how I feel about NFP today. Just a few years ago, though, I wrote a post about how NFP sucks. I meant every word of that post. I still mean every word of that post. But now I have experienced a counterpoint to NFP’s magnificent suckery, and I think I should tell you [Read More...]

Epic Wedding Crasher

I am suddenly obsessed with the idea of renting a Maleficent costume and trolling wedding receptions just for fun. At least then they’ll know it’s true love, right? [Read more...]

It’s About the Family, Not the Food

When I was a kid, all the way from middle school to high school, I had three best friends. We called ourselves the “fearsome foursome” and did ridiculous things like go see Hanson in concert at 8 am on a school day and crash a golf cart in an ill-conceived attempt at joyriding. We grew [Read More...]