Ebola Anxiety

I can’t think of anything to write about because all I can think about is ebola. I know I’m insanely alarmist, and I’m trying really hard not to be. Clearly I am not succeeding. Please don’t fill up my combox with all the science-y reasons about why it’s not going to spread and why I [Read More...]

So You Think I’m a Homemaker?

Six months ago, I bought a big whiteboard to function as a chore chart. On Saturday, I finally put it up. After it was up for 24 hours, I couldn’t handle the big, rectangular blankness of it, so I began designing a chore chart for my wee hellions minions. The first four drafts were based [Read More...]

An Eye for an Eye

Last night, I was on the phone with Charlotte’s godfather, whining about how I’m sick again, with a horrible sore throat, and how the Ogre has to work every night, and how everything is a study in tragedy — then Liam threw a package of paper towels at my face. I was annoyed, and told [Read More...]

Conversations with the Ogre

The Ogre: “So, are you still ovulating?” Me: ” ‘Still’? Babe, do you even know how ovulation works?” The Ogre: “I know you guys shove an egg down a conveyor belt or something and I have to wait until it falls off the other end.” Me: “Wow. No wonder it took us 10 years to [Read More...]

The Super Sublimation of NFP

This is how I feel about NFP today. Just a few years ago, though, I wrote a post about how NFP sucks. I meant every word of that post. I still mean every word of that post. But now I have experienced a counterpoint to NFP’s magnificent suckery, and I think I should tell you [Read More...]

Epic Wedding Crasher

I am suddenly obsessed with the idea of renting a Maleficent costume and trolling wedding receptions just for fun. At least then they’ll know it’s true love, right? [Read more...]

It’s About the Family, Not the Food

When I was a kid, all the way from middle school to high school, I had three best friends. We called ourselves the “fearsome foursome” and did ridiculous things like go see Hanson in concert at 8 am on a school day and crash a golf cart in an ill-conceived attempt at joyriding. We grew [Read More...]

A Quick PSA About Screwing

Yesterday was Lincoln’s birthday. He turned two. He had no clue what was happening, he had no expectations, and he had no capacity for disappointment. His long-suffering Dada, however was another story. I’m not the greatest at planning ahead for birthdays…or really even remembering them. The girls’ are easy, because they’re a week apart, right [Read More...]

And On the Seventh Day, God Released the Kraken

Charlotte and I got a rare couple of hours alone in the car this morning, and as always with Charlotte, our conversation was both terrifying and delightful. Charlotte: “Mommy, what day is today?” Me: “Today is Monday. It’s the start of a new week!” Charlotte: “So today is the first day?” Me: “Yep, that’s right. [Read More...]

Conversations with the Ogre

The Ogre (snarkily): “How’s your Manhattan?” Me: “It’s delicious. I love Manhattans. What’s wrong with a Manhattan?” The Ogre: “It’s just sort of an old person’s drink.” Me: “No way! Manhattans are the new hotness.” The Ogre: “You’re the new hotness, babe. The Manhattan is not.” [Read more...]