The Wit and Wisdom of Will Rogers

Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the greatest political sages this country has ever known.
Some of his sayings:

1. Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you’re riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.
11. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
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ABOUT GROWING OLDER…
First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it’s such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.
And, finally ~ If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re old.

  • K Branahl

    Thanks for the laughs!

  • http://www.matthew94.blogspot.com matthew

    Some of my favorites not yet mentioned…

    “Try to live your life so that you wouldn’t be afraid to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.”

    “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”

    “I wonder if it isn’t just cowardice instead of generosity that makes us give tips.”

    “I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.”

    “There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.”

    “An ignorant person is one who doesn’t know what you have just found out.”

    “I’m not a real movie star. I still got the same wife I started out with nearly 28 years ago.”

  • Danny Dawson

    Will Rogers also has a bit sharper joke that made his his home state feel a little bit better about themselves during the Dust Bowl:
    “When the Okies left Oklahoma and moved to California, they raised the average intelligence level in both states.”
    The idea of moving from one set to another while also raising averages for both even has its own term, the Will Rogers Phenomenon :)

  • http://tailormadefs@yahoo.com Mary Liz

    Humor is always a good thing. Laughter is a good body jog and I needed this today. Thanks a bunch.


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