9 Alternatives For Thanksgiving Curmudgeons

9 Alternatives For Thanksgiving Curmudgeons November 23, 2015

Thanksgiving and I don’t have a great track record. I grew up in Germany without knowing much about the holiday (Jason Mankey wrote a great piece on the complicated history of Thanksgiving) and didn’t celebrate it until I moved at to the U.S. as an adult. And then it was one Thanksgiving fail after another.

 

Hiking and picnic on a cold Thanksgiving day a few years ago.
Hiking and picnic on a cold Thanksgiving day a few years ago.

I was 19 years old for my first Thanksgiving and incredibly excited. A real American Thanksgiving celebration! This was during my au pair year while I was a nanny for a family with three children. We visited relatives of my host family, ate turkey and all of the fixings, and just as we were moving on to dessert, I felt nauseous. I thought I had simply followed the American custom of eating too much, but found out later that I was the first among us to come down with a severe and highly contagious stomach flu. And since I had broken my foot just a few days prior, I spent the rest of Thanksgiving crawling to the bathroom on all fours.

The next time I celebrated Thanksgiving was a few years later. My best friends in Bible College came over and we tried to cook a traditional feast on a tight budget in our tiny studio apartment. At one point we all went for a walk, but I ran back to the apartment to grab a forgotten item. When I entered, I saw thick smoke coming out of the oven. I opened the oven door and jumped back as flames reached toward me. Apparently the cheap onion sprinkles on our green bean casserole were highly flammable.

My third celebration attempt went by without stomach flus and burnt down apartments. But it was an unusually clear, sunny, and warm November day in Oregon and I had been studying hard all semester. All I wanted to do was go outside and soak up some Vitamin D and move my stiff body. But I was overruled by my family of choice, there was too much that needed to be done. I ended up spending all day in the kitchen working, watching the sun move across the horizon through a window. By the time dinner was finally ready I was so depressed I ate myself into a food coma.

By the following year I had officially become a vegetarian and a Thanksgiving curmudgeon. So I spent the next decade inventing new ways to celebrate the holiday without turkeys, family feuds, or food comas. Here are some Thanksgiving alternatives that have worked for me.

 

1. Staying in bed

Thanksgiving in bed. I really did that one year. I recommend it!
Thanksgiving in bed. I really did it one year. I recommend it!

Literally. We always joke about wanting to spend all day in bed, but when do we ever actually do it? One year I piled up books next to my bed, had snacks ready to go, and spent all day alternating between reading, napping, and snuggling with my cat. I got up only to pee, eat, and stretch my legs a bit.

Sounds easy and great, doesn’t it? For me it actually turned out to be very challenging. How could I really, really, relax without feeling guilty and selfish? My friend Gwion Raven once said “most of the time we’re human doings instead of human beings.” So why not make this Thanksgiving a challenge to just be?

 

2. Going for a hike

While everyone else is rushing around the kitchen, making sure the turkey and gravy and whatnot all get done at exactly the right moment (Angus McMahan has a great story about that), pack a simple picnic lunch and head outdoors.

In the San Francisco Bay Area we often get mild and sunny days in November, but I’ve also gone Thanksgiving hiking in colder climates. Bundle up. Bring a thermos with lots of tea and a warm blanket. Allow yourself to really feel the season, the shortening days, the cold winds, the fallen leaves, maybe even frost and snow on the ground. Depending on the weather, it can be a very short picnic and hike, but it’ll put you in touch with the season and fill you with gratitude for a warm place to return to.

3. Volunteering at a soup kitchen

Serve Thanksgiving dinner to dozens or hundreds in need. Volunteers are always in high demand during holidays. And if you think it’s a completely altruistic sacrifice on your part, you’ll be surprised. Sharing food with others is sacred. The Sikhs consider this a core part of their spiritual practice and served thousands of us at the Parliament of World Religions. Serving others can also be a profound spiritual and ecstatic experience. As my friend Peter Dybing says, “to me service is the most direct path to connecting with divinity.” You may end up getting hooked on serving others. At the very least you’ll come away with a deeper appreciation for the needs of others and a sense of gratitude for the abundance in your own life.

Cards and homemade envelopes ready for writing thank you notes.
Cards and homemade envelopes ready for writing thank you notes.

4. Writing thank you letters

Think of all of the people you are grateful for. Make a list and write down a thing or two you like about each person. Start with friends, but don’t stop there. Maybe there’s that old acquaintance you haven’t talked to in years, the one who helped you out once. Or maybe there’s a barista at your local coffee shop who said a few words of wisdom that came to mean a lot to you. Or maybe it’s just someone who smiles often or whose work or art has given you hope.

Write thank you notes to them. They don’t have to be long. The note can be as simple as

Hello friend,

do you remember the conversation we had about forgiveness many years ago?  I still remember what you said and have carried this piece of wisdom with me. So I wanted to write and say thank you for the gift of that conversations. Blessings to you!”

You can simply send an email or Facebook message. If you have their mailing address or a way to hand it to them in person, write a postcard or letter. Get creative by skipping the boring white envelope and wrapping your card or letter in a page out of a magazine or old calendar. Not only will the person be surprised at the colorful piece of mail, you also brighten the mail carrier’s day (my aunt’s mail carrier always asks her about “the niece in California” and commented on the lack of pretty envelopes while I was in Germany).

 

5. Loving what you have

While everyone (supposedly) celebrates what they have only to rush out the next day (or same evening) to buy, buy, buy more, do the opposite. Observe Buy Nothing Day on the Friday after Thanksgiving, and spend Thanksgiving appreciating what you have.

You can simply meditate on all of the gifts you have in your life, or try one of the following:

  • declutter. Use the day to go through your wardrobe, your shelves, your basement, garage, or pantry. Donate stuff you haven’t used in a while and don’t really need. One year I decluttered the kitchen and found all kinds of treasures (tapioca! How on earth does one make tapioca pudding anyways?). I also learned what an abundance I have, little packets of foods hidden away that I didn’t even know about.
  • look at old photo albums. You know, the printed kind, if you have any. Or, if that’s too old school for you, thumb through your digital photo library. Treasure the memories, and notice what a wealth of experiences you have accumulated. Sit with the difficult ones, and notice how even the painful memories heal and integrate over time.
  • Start a gratitude practice. Begin on Thanksgiving and spend the next 30 days writing down one thing you are grateful for each day. If you want your “30 Days of Gratitude” witnessed, announce the project on social media and post there daily.
  • Make a photo collage. Take pictures of things you are grateful for. You can do so over the course of a few days or spend Thanksgiving Day walking around taking pictures. It’s a fun way to get a new look at your surroundings.
  • Mend broken things. That small rip in your skirt, the loose strap on your backpack, the broken shelf in the refrigerator. Rather than tossing things out and replacing them with brand new items, look around and see what can be infused with new life. Sew, patch, glue, duct tape, mend a few things around the house and express gratitude for all of the “stuff” you have.

 

6. Going mushroom hunting or foraging

Successful mushroom hunt at last year's thanksgiving on our friend's ranch.
Successful mushroom hunt at last year’s thanksgiving on our friend’s ranch.

If you’ve never done either, get a good guidebook from a local bookstore or a library. A store clerk or librarian will be able to find a book specific to your area and level of experience. (If you’re unsure, don’t eat things you have foraged yourself. It’s always best to have identified and collected edible items a few times before making a dinner out of it.) If you’re an experienced mushroom hunter and forager, see what’s out there on Thanksgiving.

On the West Coast, especially here in California, November is a great foraging season. With the rains come the mushrooms and I’ve been able to make Thanksgiving dinner from almost exclusively foraged foods. Chanterelles, Coccora, and Oyster mushrooms are abundant in the Wild this year. There’s also the first leaves of miner’s lettuce, chickweed, and dandelion.

 

7. Cooking a local meal

Much like foraging and mushroom hunting, cooking an all local meal puts us in touch with the season and the area in which we live. What would your Thanksgiving dinner look like if you could only use local foods? What grows in your region this time of year? What could be grown here if the food economy didn’t rely on import? If we didn’t have a global infrastructure of a fossil fueled food industry, what items would local farmers plant and harvest?

In California the question is easier to answer than in most other places. Last year I spent Thanksgiving with friends on a permaculture ranch. The turkey was raised right there on the premises and cooked in a cob oven. We foraged for mushrooms right there on the property and cooked greens from the greenhouse.

When I was in Germany our meals looked different this time of year. Once we tried to make a traditional American Thanksgiving dinner, and I learned that cranberries were flown in from afar and nearly impossible to find in German grocery stores. My mother’s homemade jams made from berries grown in her own backyard was more than a mere substitute. It was a celebration of food grown right here, made by our hands.

 

8. “Thanksgiving orphans” unite!

If you’re celebrating Thanksgiving without your biological family, you’re far from the only one. There’s a certain beauty in spending Thanksgiving in solitude. When you listen to your friends pondering how to survive difficult family members, getting to spend a whole day by yourself suddenly sounds like winning the holiday lottery.

But if solitude becomes loneliness instead, seek out other “Thanksgiving orphans”. Over the past years I’ve been invited to several “Thanksgiving orphan” meals and “Friendsgivings.” If you don’t have any invites, consider hosting yourself. Sometimes religious groups also host community meals which bring together a very diverse crowd.

Say “hello” to strangers in the streets. Holidays are special days outside of ordinary time. If you’re not sitting around a table with family or friends, you have something in common with everyone on the streets on Thursday afternoon. I found that people become a lot more outgoing and open. We now share a temporary minority status. For one day only, “they” are doing the “normal” thing, but “we” are the freaks wandering around on our own. Whether by choice, by lack of family, or by having to work that day, we exist outside of normal time and space, and that unites us. Wish the bus driver a happy day, and next thing you know you’ll be sharing life stories with her and intentionally missing your stop so you can continue talking (at least that’s what happened to me last year).

 

9. Fasting

IMG_20150908_172058448
Random compost scraps from local produce. The pomegranate top is happy about being a part of an alternative Thanksgiving celebration.

Fasting on a day of feasting. It’s the ultimate Thanksgiving curmudgeon rebellion, and it’s one I haven’t experienced yet. I’ve thought about it at lot and finally decided to chose this alternative this year. Fasting is not an act of self punishment or pointless deprivation. Many spiritual traditions include fasting in their practices. As Pagans, we are much more prone to feasting, but fasting is also be an act of love and pleasure. When we fast from food, we make space for other things in our lives. The physical sensation is unpleasant at first, but most people experience a sense of lightness and ecstasy upon completion of a fast.

Fasting also allows us to reset our relationship to food. Ironically times of abundance and excess can make it much harder to experience thankfulness for the things we have. So this year, my partner and I are staging the ultimate rebellion. We won’t be standing in line at the grocery store the day before Thanksgiving. We won’t be stocking up on food for the weekend and there will be no leftovers. Instead, we will face hunger while distracting ourselves with hiking, reading, and watching artsy movies together. We’re both experienced health nuts and are familiar with the joys and challenges of fasting. So I am both looking forward to and dreading Thanksgiving day this year. What I am very much looking forward to is the day after Thanksgiving, where I will be buying nothing. But I’ll break my fast by biting into a piece of fruit that suddenly feels and tastes like a miracle.

 

So, whether your having a traditional celebration, serving those in need, going on a self-care date, inviting friends, meeting strangers, feasting or fasting, I hope your Thanksgiving practices leave you with a new sense of gratitude.

 

 


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