Thank you to our many wonderful readers who have offered encouragement and support leading up to the delivery of our fourth precious babe. As Mary Alice reported last week, our little “MG” arrived a week ago today, weighing in at a healthy 7lbs. 14oz. and giving off a lusty cry to proclaim to the world her grand entrance.
And “grand” it was. I won’t go into the long and short of my entire labor experience (if you’d like to partake, you can read more about it here), but I will say it was pretty darn awesome.
To watch one’s body perform just as it was meant to; just as it has for other women from the beginning of time, is a really gratifying experience. For me, modern medicine tried to interfere, but couldn’t hold a candle to my body’s natural way of bringing forth life. Everything went just as planned (a few outside hiccups aside!)
As an athlete does before a big game, I prepared. I “trained”, I meditated, I imagined how it would all look, feel, and transpire. When it came down to the big event, it happened and I responded. Mainly, I let my body do what it was meant to do. And the outcome couldn’t have been better or more gratifying. We had our healthy baby girl, who was alert, aware, and ready to take on the world!!!
Having a wonderfully supportive husband was key–he provided counterpressure to my hips through every contraction. Ask him how his arms felt the next day! 
Having a doula was also vital to our success. She was the extra piece GG and I need to help keep us focused and less distracted by the outside variables of the hospital.
I ended up reading three books recommended by you all (thank you!): Husband Coached Childbirth (Bradley), The Doula Guide to Birth (Lowe and Zimmerman), and The Birth Book (Sears and Sears) all which were immensely helpful and informative. Never during the labor was I “in the dark” about what was transpiring. I was in tune with my body because I knew exactly what was going on. When I felt the urge to push, I knew transition (the most painful part) was almost over. For a need-to-know kind of gal, I was aware of everything and it all was fantastic!
Lastly, a quick plug for those of you (like me) who might never have considered a natural labor. I invite you to look into it and be amazed at the process and outcome. A dear friend of mine just had her third child and first natural delivery and is now such a fan! And that’s after birthing a 9lb. baby boy! The joy is contagious! I could hear her glow through the phone and she’s been riding the high now for two weeks. What a feat!
We are still reeling after our own wonderful experience and I can’t thank you enough for your support. Person to person; woman to woman; mother to mother–that’s what this blog is all about.
Awesome! Your family is just so cute!!!
So did we ever figure out who won the baby prediction? I’ll take a look back at that post.
Hey, so the award goes to AWOL Mommy, who predicted June 25th at 9am only 9.5 hours from MG’s actual arrival. Way to go AWOL! Also, thanks for your sweet comments, Red!
Beautiful! That is one blessed little girl with all those brothers to toughen her up and look after her!
You are blessed for the chance to go natural. I read every book you did, had a wonderful midwife, was allowed to go past my due date by 12 days until my body started labor on its own, labored naturally… But after 34 hours and only 6 cm, my little babe’s heartrate was plummeting, and before it became an emergency, my husband and I peered through our blurry 2-nights-no-sleep brains and with the midwife and an OB’s consultation, made a decision to have a c-section. My midwife said I would have died (and my baby too, perhaps) had I lived a few generations ago. Oh how my heart aches that it went this way, and I still grieve, deeply, even while I rejoice in my precious daughter. I yearn for the high, I cringe at the scar tissue that has crept up in strange places beyond my incision scar, I am brought to tears nearly every time I think of being pinned down on that table, unable to hold my baby, fearful for her well-being and my own, too exhausted to even react to the doctor’s, “It’s a girl!”
Why am I writing this? Still processing all these months later. Our birth experiences carry so much weight. Do any of the Mamas here have rough experiences to relate, or words of wisdom? As much as we do and should celebrate your triumph, we need to support each other through the births that don’t go as planned as well. (And, though I know the healthy, happy result is all that matters in the end, it remains a deep pain for me that my body didn’t “do what it was meant to do.” So, “your baby is healthy, that’s all that matters” isn’t quite consolation at this point…)
Sorry, don’t mean to rain on the parade! I’m proud of you and happy for your wonderful experience. A true blessing. God continue to rain his grace on you and your family.
B-Mama, I am impressed that I won the prediction – I never win any of those “guess the amount of jelly bean type” contests. Although I always guess late (based on my own history) so if I win, it is a bummer for the Mama. But your natural success was anything but a bummer. Well done.
Is it ok that I feel like natural childbirth like I do about running? I mean, I am not a diet pill girl, nor a girdle-wearing type. I know I have to do the hard work of waking up early and going on a run but I don’t love it. I am going to call you next time labor is upon me and we can revisit how “exhilarating” the whole thing is going to be. But I do like babies, mmmm girl babies.
Therese prayers.
Oh Therese, you are certainly not alone, there are so many of us with very similar birth experiences. In fact, our dear friend just had an almost identical scenario with her first – long, natural labor, midwife, tried everything for natural delivery, ended in a C-section. In the end, I’ve always felt that flexibility is very important when giving birth – you just never know what might happen, and the health of the baby and mom are paramount. That’s why many birthing centers are in close proximity to a hospital – just in case something happens, there is always the option of C-section or other procedures. God bless you as you carry the cross of your disappointment of how the birth went – with time, I think the pain will heal.
Therese, my twins were delivered naturally but they had to do it in the surgery station and there was a bit of a panic at the end and I felt just the way you do — I almost compare it to an out of body experience, because when I was under those bright lights on that oddly angled table I felt like I was watching an autopsy (weird, I know) and I just couldn’t stop crying in between the first and second birth, I was so worn out that they had to vaccuum extract her, I couldn’t even focus to push, and my mom tried to get me to look at her and I didn’t even care. It is really hard, and the complicated blessing of all the knowledge and planning that we can do now is that things don’t always work out according to our plans.
I think sometimes those of us who have gone natural can also wear it with pride, and that makes it that much harder, you feel like your body has failed if you can’t deliver the baby. I think that you can still be very proud of your birth, it is very clear that you did not have an uneccessary surgery, and yet it took great courage to say yes to the OB just at the right moment and sacrifice your plans and your belly to get the baby out safely. I know of women who have been so locked in to their birth plan that they have not been able to say that yes to the c-section and have then had traumatic vaginal deliveries to recover from, which can be very complicated in their own way. You did not fail your baby, you did exactly what she needed!
If you haven’t already, it may help for you and your husband to journal the birth experience, it might be very interesting to read his different perspective. My husband told my daughter the story of her vacuum extraction and she loves it, it is something that, she feels, makes her birth different from her twin.
It took me until my sixth to really feel peace with my birth experience, so B, I give you a lot of credit, you must be a quicker learner than me!
Therese, my heart goes out to you. My first and second births would have ended in death for the babies and me due to their unusual nature and complications. It was the second delivery that sent me on a path toward having a natural delivery. It was just awful and my son had to be vacuumed out in the end. It had been so stressful and we were overcome with fear throughout–so much so a half hour afterward my husband put his head in his hands and cried (I had never seen him cry before). We’ve since used that experience as a building block.
I walked away thanking God for modern medicine, which saved our lives. The hope from this is that I’ve now had two natural deliveries that have gone as planned. There’s still promise for your future!! Definitely grieve the past, but don’t lose hope for what’s to come.
Blessings to you and prayers.
Therese,
I can relate to you AND B-mama in this same post. My first child was delivered in an emergency C-section at 8 am, after I’d labored all night and reached 9 cm dilation. His heart rate was falling and he had to be delivered NOW. I’d walked, I’d had Pitocin — the cord was blocking him and he was being squeezed with each contraction. I can so relate to the strange dissociation from it, especially lying on the operating table in a fog. The hazy feeling– it was surreal for hours afterward. I didn’t feel I was really connected as I’d hoped to be. I was just SO tired and drained. That was a hard day, even if it was joyful in the end as he was only in the NICU a couple hours to be observed.
That was 12 years ago now, and I promise that soon enough you will NOT grieve for the birth you’d hoped for and will move on to the other joys and sorrows of motherhood! BUT I do understand and I still remember and relate. It just passes into a less emotional memory with time.
Just under 3 years later, I had a successful, and yes all natural VBAC with a very supportive doctor and nurse (no midwife or doula) in a hospital. I can say that if we’d been blessed with more children, I would have hoped to “go natural” again. The difference was tremendous.
BUT know that it’s more than a cliche — you must do what is best for you and your baby — and your health and safety.
So yes, I support and empathize with you — and rejoice with B-mama at the same time!
It’s like so much else we face in motherhood — unpredictable and sometimes uncontrollable, but what a ride!
First of all, congrats B-Mama on your new little daughter! I hope the hi-jacking of your good news post is ok!
I have struggled so much with my birth experience. I had a wonderfully easy and normal pregnancy and I did everything I could to prepare myself for an unmedicated delivery. I had a particularly good experience with hypnobirthing after my MIL gave me the book. We didn’t have the money for Bradley classes or a doula but we both read the book and did as much research as possible. However, a few days before my due date some complications with the baby arose and I was scheduled for an induction. This was NOT part of my plan! I got the pitocin and had my water broken (it was my first, I didn’t know better at the time) and I labored for 15 hours without any meds (hypno worked miracles for me). It was excruciating. The contractions were a minute apart all night and by morning I gave into exhaustion. Two hours later I felt the urge to push (yes even with an epidural I knew I was ready, despite everything I had been told about not being aware of my own body). I told my husband it was time and literally 10 minutes later she was born. After the birth some complications came about that could have been prevented and our baby almost died (this had nothing to do with my labor, btw). It was a horrible and traumatic experience and I still blame myself. I was still proud of myself for holding out on the epidural as long as I did. my MIL blamed me for what happened to my daughter and highly praised my sis in law for her lengthy and heroic med-free labor and delivery (rightly so because she deserved it) but the night before her baby was born my MIL said to me that we needed to pray that she didn’t get induced because “she did not deserve it.” Those words have stuck with me for 2 years now. As if I had failed myself and my baby and therefore deserved what happened. It’s hard to remember the finish line sometimes. Often women can hurt other women by trying to impose their own beliefs on them. My MIL birthed 5 babies without help, that was not the case for me. I felt like I deserved some credit for 15 hours of hard labor and I didn’t get it. Is that what I should really care about? Sometimes our best laid plans do go awry and we have to trust in God that he will deliver us through it. I do think an unmedicated labor and birth is something to be proud of but it’s so easy to fall into despair when it doesn’t work out. I wish I knew more people in real life that could be as supportive as you ladies when things don’t go as planned. It is our job to take care of ourselves and our children, not to berate ourselves for something that has no basis on the wellbeing of our children after they are born. If I am blessed with more children I know I will hold onto the lessons I learned and not compare myself to others. Thank you for sharing your stories, the good and the bad. It helps with the ongoing healing process!
This is beautiful. Love to read the joy and the heartache here with you all. I hope that someday as an OB I get to help women have a natural childbirth, or get them through the fright and challenge of a c-section. I love hearing everyone’s story–as unique and precious as each woman herself.
Thank you, all, so much. B-Mama, I’m sorry I was the hijacker of an otherwise lovely post! But how wonderful to have the support and wisdom here, and the opportunity for others to express themselves.
Laying in the dark after the 3AM feeding last night, I palpably felt the peace that your prayers have sent my way. So often after she has drifted back into dreamland, I stay awake, sometimes mulling over that birth. But not last night. When my mind floated there I was met with peace and comfort. Thank you.
Again, blessings to all these little families.
Therese, I’m so glad you felt the peace of our prayers last night. And you did NOT hijack this post–that’s just what this blog and these ladies and I are ALL ABOUT–Support for you in reaching your utmost in motherhood! Blessings.
It’s so wonderful to see all the openness and support here.
I was just at a baby shower where a few of the women got into a controlled, polite but very angry, judgmental argument over how each of them had given birth to their children, and it was very stressful for everyone there– so much fear and feelings of inadequacy behind the sharp words and holier-than-thou attitudes. Women just want to be good mothers and to do the right thing, but we don’t have to turn everything into opportunities to “fail.” As a single woman without children, sitting uncomfortably in that room, I felt so anxious about giving birth one day and wondering how people would be judging my every move. Let us all be more understanding of each other!
Some Advice or a post?. I don’t know if any of the builders have this problem or other readers. But I am on my third pregnancy and struggling with absolutely disgusting, painful varicose veins and black and blue pooling in my legs. I have to wear these tights everyday and they are so uncomfortable and hot. I know this is a little cross God is asking me to bear, but the thought of more pregnancies like this can sometimes be overwhelming. My doctor is not exactly helpful regarding care. Some of my questions for anyone with a similar medical issue include:
1. Do you wear the compression hose morning till night without exception? If you take them off for swimming or some other reason do you immediately put them back on?
2. Have you found that your legs become dependent on the compression? That you can’t function with out them? Do the tights really prevent worse veins? BEcause they seem to be making mine worse.
3. Do the veins go down at all after pregnancy? Especially if they were really large chord-like veins that took over your entire leg?
4. Does your ability to stand for longer than a minute or two return after pregnancy?
5. Did you need to labor with the tights on in order to properly manage pain. With my last two pregnancies I did a lot of standing in order to facilitate downward movement of the baby and I am wondering if other people with the leg pain and varicose vein issues need to keep the tights on in order to labor well.
Any advice (encouragement hope
) about how to handle varicose veins would be appreciated. As a young woman with perhaps many fertile years ahead (although I recognize that is not a given and that I shouldn’t count chickens before they are hatched), this added cross makes me nervous about future pregnancies despite the fact that I do love kids and am open to a larger family.
Thanks
I am also embarrassed that I misspelled embarrassed in my name. HA!
I just wanted to say to Therese that it is ok to struggle with how a birth went. I don’t know a single woman who hasn’t don that! The important thing is that you made the decision that was best for your baby!!! Healthy baby, healthy mom. Everything else is just window dressing! I grieved my first c/s for weeks and weeks, poured over my inpatient records (which I obsessively tracked down) and obsessed about futre VBACS but it was all for the best. It certainly prepard me for my subsequent births that, while drug free, were by no mean what I had pictured before I started having kids. It will be ok!!!
Embarrassed…..maybe your legs are getting worse because the baby is getting bigger!! Don’t worry too much! Growing babies is tough stuff….we are the stronger sex! ; )
Yeah it would be nice if I could spell or at least proof-read. Mea Culpa.
Therese–
Can you look up your local ICAN chapter? They might be helpful in processing your c-section and give you some support in that way, and also as you consider a VBAC for a future birth. (My first was a c-section that ended with the baby dying in the NICU 24 weeks later, and my second was a VBAC. The ICAN network helped me work through a lot of my questions!)
ICAN stands for International Cesarean Awareness Network.
B-mama,
Congratulations! I couldn’t agree with you more. I had my second daughter naturally — sort of by accident, and after it was all said and done, I was a huge fan. You DO revel in the fact that you used your body in the amazing way God intended, for thousands of years. I went on to have my twins naturally as well, despite a whole lot of nay sayers.
What an amazing, beautiful family God has blessed you with!
Embarrassed,
You poor, poor thing! From what I hear from friends, varicosities of any type are extremely painful and difficult to manage during pregnancy. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with it!!! Depending on the location of the varicose vein seems to affect whether or not you’ll experience pain there after having the baby. A friend of mine had them in her lower pelvic floor and DID have relief once the baby was born (and one of them burst during delivery! Ahh–sorry if that scares you!) For varicose veins in your legs, I can imagine they will improve after the baby is born and you have less pressure throughout, but I do know women who continue to experience discomfort and seek surgery to have them “stripped” and repaired down the line. You may just have to wait and see.
I’m going to forward your questions to our BC doc, Queen B, and see if she has any insight into this issue. Perhaps we could post her thoughts as its own post, so keep an eye out for it! Blessings to you.
Way to go B-Mama!
Therese and all-
The goal is healthy mom and healthy baby. Times like your daughter’s birth is when we must remember to be THANKFUL and OPEN to medical interventions.
Even with my first drug free *natural* birth I have ill feelings of how it all played out.
It becomes confusing when…
It is important for women and men to be educated consumers in their births so they can understand when their situation warrants an emergency situation. The problem is when people blindly trust their care providers and wind up with uncalled for interventions that all too often lead to c-sections as per the 40% rate in NJ. Many times doctors are trained in emergency situations and NOT in natural care.
Thanks! I think most people who have them badly in the legs also have them on the pelvic floor. I look forward to a possible post on this!
Embarrassed: Go see a vein specialist if it is worrying you. They can tell you specifically what’s going on, what your options are now and for later. I swear by the compression hose, I just have one spot that is really bad, but the compression hose saved me when I was working retail at Christmas, on my feet all day, and very very pregnant. They just made my legs feel less tired, but I know winter compression hose is different then summer compression hose!
Therese: Congratulations on your sweet baby and I echo the thoughts that others have posted here…you and your body worked so hard to get you to the point you needed to be at and it is a amazing wonderful thing that we live in such a day that help can be there when needed. Consider the previous posts on asking for help, it can be such a hard thing for a mama. Your body needed help, you thankfully asked for it, you got a healthy baby in return for your brave actions. There will be times ahead when you will need to ask for help, over and over again and it will be a long hard road if you consider each of those times as a failure rather then the opportunity to allow others to assist you in the journey of raising a child. I’m not saying that to minimize your grief, I have a very close friend who also had a very traumatic c-section and it broke my heart to watch her still harbor such bad feelings about it. What I’m hoping is that perhaps someday you can start to view the experience in a different light, as a celebration of your bravery, good sense, willingness to surrender “your plan” for your child…all things that will serve you well as mother. I say, congratulations, and way to go and give some extra kisses on that sweet baby head for me.
B-Mama…what a gorgeous brood. Enjoy that little girl and congratulations on your birth, amazing stuff!
What a wonderful discussion– I LOVE birthstories, probably, like all of you, because they help me process my own birth experiences. After my first c-section (planned due to placenta previa), I didn’t feel the trauma Therese speaks of in an emergency, but I felt a void– like I didn’t have a birth story– I had nothing to offer when other told their birth stories at baby showers, I couldn’t commiserate (sp?) about contractions or whether I wanted to “try to go natural” or not. It was almost like I had a long pregnancy then we had the baby in our arms and there was never a delivery to experience. Rikki Lake’s book “Your Best Birth” helped me realize I did have an experience and to embrace it. A good friend of ours also told me she never calls it a “c-section” but a “surgical delivery” to remind mama that you actually are delivering a baby (remember, Therese, and others, being cut open and having the baby pulled out and then having your body repair itself is no small feat– you body does do some hard work for that, just not in the traditional way we might have imagined). I also feel that I was able to grieve my birth experience somewhat before it ever happened b/c we knew it would be a c-section. I often cried during my months of pregnancy for what I would not experience. But, like Kate just said, I had to realize that I am surrending my hopes and dreams of a natural delivery for God’s will, and that my dream delivery would be the first of my sacrifices for my baby. (BTW, our first just turned 2 and as part of my ongoing effort to embrace his birth story, I tried to document it on our blog: http://groeberkids.blogspot.com/2010/07/happy-birthday-baby.html)
With our second I did all I could to research VBACs and I was succesful in a natual VBAC about 3 months ago. I did love the experience, and I have to talk about it to anyone who will listen, partly to process the trauma, partly because I’m still so amazed by it. But, I’m a little like AWOL– it was a lot like running– very painful and burdensome, but I just know I have to do it. I will pray for you other c-sections moms out there that you will find peace with your delivery and maybe realize the delivery you dream of sometime in the future.