My son made his first penance on Saturday and I was blessed enough to also grab a few moments in the confessional. Our family is going through a pretty intense time of transition, and so, among other sins, I confessed a serious lack of trust in God. Trust is a real struggle for me. Most especially, and perhaps not surprisingly, I struggle during times of change or uncertainty. It is very hard for me to let go of control. So I explained all this to the priest, and said that I really want to be more trusting but I am just overcome with anxiety. I don’t even know where to start. I pray and I pray but the anxiety remains.
He listened and then said something profound — “it isn’t any colder out, God’s just taken your jacket away.”
For years, possibly my entire life, I’ve been putting my trust in many of the wrong things, and right now, God has taken some of those things away. My reaction reveals my lack of trust in God. The sin has always been there, hidden beneath my nice warm coat.
For the past week I’ve been praying and praying for a new coat. I’ve truly thought that the lesson in all this transition and uncertainty stuff was simply to trust God to give me a new coat. And while that is certainly a big part of trusting, I also need to spend some time thanking him for taking it away to begin with. And I shouldn’t thank him just because I trust I will get a better coat in the future. I should thank him because by taking it away, He has revealed an area of sin in my life. I was blind, and now I see — Praise Jesus.
“Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18~