Sexual orientation can be a really fluid thing, far more than rigid classifiers allow us to categorize or conceptualize ourselves sometimes. Jennifer McCreight opens up about 10 years worth of varied romantic feelings and puzzlings and vacillates a good deal over labels. In the end, I take it she comes out more than anything as defying simple classification. Broadly, she comes out as more straight than anything but nonetheless legitimately emotionally experienced with and capable of romantic love for women. Through various anecdotes she sheds some light on bisexuality, on the fluidity of sexuality in general, and on how hurtful it is when bisexuals have their attractions patronized, dismissed, or otherwise not taken seriously. Her conclusions:
Maybe 95% of the time I’m attracted to men, but the other 5% still matters.
But even more importantly, I think it’s necessary to say it to show that everyone doesn’t fit in neat little boxes. Not everyone is 100% gay or 100% straight. Bisexuals don’t always like each sex in equal amounts. Bisexuality doesn’t mean you’re not monogamous, or that you can’t make up your mind. Someone’s sexuality doesn’t necessarily stay exactly the same throughout their lifetime. And if you want to experiment or you have that one person you’d go gay for (or straight for), that doesn’t mean you have to have an identity crisis.
You don’t need a new label. You’re you.
So here I am, saying it. Sometimes I like the ladies. I’ve crushed harder on some of my female friends than on some of the guys I’ve actually dated. Those drunken makeouts weren’t really due to drunkenness that much – I just thought you were hot. I’m disappointed that I somehow made it through undergrad without doing more than those drunken makeouts. I blame my unfortunate tendency to fall for straight women.
I wanted to post this last year, but I chickened out. I almost psyched myself out of it again. The fact that I was so afraid to admit a smidgen of gayness to a welcoming, pro-gay, liberal community really speaks wonders of how hard this is. Bigots want to shame us all into the closet, and we can’t make progress for civil rights until we’re able to be honest about who we really are. So, my secret is out.