A new report from The Onion suggests God’s death was an act of mercy as humanity let the aging deity die, for his own good:
In the hours since the passing of The Maker of Heaven and Earth, the human race told reporters that, while they certainly missed having Him around, they preferred to enjoy their fond memories of a younger and more energetic God.
“The excitability and joy for life He used to radiate was infectious,” said Maria Castellanos of Guadalajara, Mexico, referring to the days when the Divine Being would friskily follow the human race wherever they went and “get Himself into all kinds of trouble.” “But for the last millennia or so, He spent most of His time just moping around—rarely ever using His omnipotence and barely even capable of rendering miracles and answering prayers. He hardly even acknowledged [humanity] as we went about our day, really.”
“He was just sort of there,” Castellanos added. “And as much as we enjoyed having Him around, He just didn’t have it in Him to do the things He used to love to do.”
The world’s 7.14 billion people went on to admit that there were numerous instances when they considered putting God to sleep but ultimately relented.
It’s the 21st Century. For God’s sake, it’s time to let go.