Why I Write About My Deconversion

“I aim to make clear to Christians that I was one of them, that all my life was willingly committed to their God and that all my emotions were on the side of their God when my intellect was dissuaded against my will. I was not, as much as they want to assume, looking to leave Christianity, biased against Christianity, unable or unwilling to dutifully follow the rules of Christianity, disposed against the God of Christianity, unfamiliar with the most sophisticated philosophical or theological versions of Christianity, or unfamiliar with how wonderful Christians or Christian community could be. I had been there, done that, and despite wanting nothing more than to believe, I had found that I could no longer believe–either rationally or ethically. The best arguments for the faith had failed. The best arguments against it were overwhelming. And as a matter of intellectual and moral conscience, I could no longer believe fantastic claims that had the preponderance of rational evidence stacked overwhelmingly against them. I deconverted against my will.” [Read more...]

Fordham Repudiates Ann Coulter

me in my Fordham robes, upon receiving my PhD

As an outspoken atheist and critic of religious beliefs and institutions, I have had nothing but positive experiences with Fordham University as a place of inclusiveness, civility, and academic freedom during my years there as a graduate student and professor. So I was worried when I learned Ann Coulter, a terrible opponent of so many of Fordham’s most admirable values, had been invited to speak on campus. [Read more...]

After My Deconversion: I Refuse To Let Christians Judge Me

I explain my former Christianity and my reasons for abandoning it in depth, in order to make clear why I get so indignant at Christians who flippantly speculate about the “real” reasons I deconverted. [Read more...]

After My Deconversion: Avoiding The Abuser’s Dialectic (Or “My Nietzschean Lion Stage of Indignation”)


Usually when I lose my temper, I am not proud of it afterwards. But a particular pair of temper tantrums I threw in graduate school revealed to me something important about my own self-understanding and my sense of dignity.

But I also am very leery of falling prey to what I here dub “The Abuser’s Dialectic”. I would rather achieve a sort of Stoic overcoming of emotions that are reactive to others and, in that way, extensions of others’ abilities to control us, manipulate us, and make us into them. [Read more...]

A Postmortem on my Deconversion: Was it that I just didn’t love Jesus enough?

A Christian friend from my college days read my latest installment of my series on my deconversion and thought she had finally figured out the problem that led me to atheism. And it’s so simple! Why hadn’t I thought of it in all these years! Why hadn’t I thought of trying this in my 10 [Read More...]

How I Deconverted: I Ultimately Failed To Find Reality In Abstractions

My final two months as a Christian and the conversation, 13 years ago today, in which the switch in my brain flipped and I decided to stop trying to hold on to my faith. The next night, I would for all intents and purposes deconvert. [Read more...]

My Experiences of Bullying Growing up as a Weakling and a Physical Coward

My experiences with bullying, focused on one week I spent terrified at church camp. [Read more...]

How I Deconverted: My Closeted Gay Best Friend Became A Nihilist and Turned Suicidal

The most decisive chapter in my process of deconversion explained. [Read more...]

How I Deconverted: My Closest and Seemingly “Holiest” Friend Came Out As Gay

As a 20 year old conservative Evangelical at one of America’s most conservative Evangelical colleges, I was stunned when my best and most seemingly “holy” friend came out as gay. [Read more...]