August 1995-Spring 1996: I got my first job, if you don’t count my previous work mowing my neighbors’ lawns, at the age of seventeen. I worked at the video store owned and managed by one of the couples that lived across the street from me when I was growing up. I had grown up not knowing them [Read More…]
In this article I explore the dynamics of the “friend zone” as it is typically described — involving heterosexual relationships where the man feels rejected as a romantic partner by the woman after a period of friendship. That being said, I personally know women and gay people who have experienced the same type of romantic rejection and unrequited love after developing a deep friendship with someone, so a lot of this analysis and advice is equally applicable to women and non-straight people. But I’m going to frame everything assuming a heterosexual narrative and focused on guys who feel “friend-zoned” because that’s where the controversies are typically focused.
This article has four main sections in case you want to read selectively.
The Heterosexual Friend Zoned Nice Guy Narrative
Humanizing Friend-Zoned Nice Guys
What’s Really Going Wrong For Friend-Zoned Nice Guys?
9 Tips For Staying Out of the Friend Zone and Finding Happiness Instead
I grew up a religiously, morally, and sexually conservative person. I believed in virginity before marriage, and I believed in it in a principled and egalitarian way. I didn’t hold to double standards where it was okay for men to be promiscuous but women who were so were “sluts”. I explicitly criticized such hypocrisies then. [Read More…]
After I Deconverted: I Was Deeply Ambivalent; What Was I to Make of Sex, Love, Alcohol, Bisexuality, Abortion, 9/11, Religious Violence, Marxism, or the Yankees?
This is a long installment of my ongoing series covering my journey before, during, and after my deconversion from Christianity. Since I think it is interesting how all the ambivalences, contradictions, anxieties, and displacements that I was experiencing parallel and inform each other, I am deciding to post it all as one episode in the series, rather than break each easily isolatable vignette into its own post. For the busy or the short attention spanned, I have made it easier to read in multiple sittings or to skim by breaking it into subsections according to themes. [Read more…]