Frequently Searched Questions: I Feel Betrayed by My Wife’s Loyalty to Lousiville

The following are actual search terms people typed into Google (Yahoo?) which directed them to CaPC. In most cases they didn’t find the answer they were looking for on our site. FSQ is an attempt to remedy this problem by answering some of the most (de)pressing questions sent to us through search terms.

This week’s theme is “Books.”

Q 1. Do the Game of Thrones books have sex?

Only with dust jackets on. And they call it “pagination.” And now I have ruined that word for you. Not a big loss though, right? It’s a pretty dumb word.

Sometimes Flickr doesn’t provide the most accurate results. This is probably not an picture of the Game of Thrones books. But he is winking at us and enjoying his water–two things that might could happen in the books. Image: pasukaru76 via Flickr (CC BY 2.0).

Q 2. How to flirt with neighbor’s wife without making feel uncomfortable?

I’m not yet a Legally Licensed Doctor of Love (thanks for the delay, Obamacare), but I might be able to help you out. Let’s do a lil exper-i-mint. Stop flirting with her and see if she stops acting uncomfortable. If that makes her feel at ease, then we may have found the problem: you’re flirting with your neighbor’s wife.

The good news is that your social incompetence just might save two marriages.

Q 3. “Must” do quiet time?

Joey tries to get out of “quiet time” using the “semantic method.” I’m sure mom didn’t buy it; they never do.

Q 4. 3D printing benefits?

Printing and an extra D.

Q 5. Are books still important?

Would you be searching Google if they were?

This dude reads books. Just look at him: Drinking orange juice out of a wine glass. Petting his cat. Thinking about his sweet 12-string guitar. If living the Good Life is “important,” than yeah, I guess books are important. Image: QuinnDombrowski via Flickr (CC BY-SA 2.0).

Q 6. Did Jesus know about pregnancy?

Did the God-Man, Christ, the Second Person of the Trinity, the Creator of Heaven and Earth, God Incarnate know that human babies gestate for 40 weeks inside their mothers? Sure.

Q 7. I feel betrayed by my wife’s loyalty to Louisville.

I’m not sure “betrayed” is the word you’re looking for there. In any case, your wife’s NCAA MBB unfaithfulness is no excuse to flirt with your neighbor’s wife.

Q 8. Is there such a thing as nudity racism?

Discrimination towards naked humans? Let’s see. Well, there are currently no nudist Fortune 500 company CEOs, nudists rarely ever complete a college education, and most businesses refuse to serve them, all based on their skin. Huh.  Of course, technically speaking now, “nudity” is not a race, but a state of undress. So, no, unfortunately, “nudity racism” is not a thing.

Q 9. My son thinks bad is good after watching Wreck it Ralph.

Let me see if I understand you correctly. Your son had a rightly divined moral compass prior to watching the Disney CGI movie Wreck it Ralph, and then after a viewing his moral sense was entirely reversed so that he treated all evil acts as good? You might want to look into other explanations for your son’s sudden psychopathic turn.

Unless you mean that your son thought that the “bad” movie Wreck it Ralph was “good,” it which case, my condolences.

This guy thought this was a “good” idea, after watching Wreck It Ralph. Image: FunkBrothers via Flickr (CC BY-SA 2.0).

Q 10. Religious alternative to Google?

Yo, this is the Inter-Freaking-Net. Of course there is. It’s called ChristianGo, and you can find it at “search.jesus.net.” Because the world is a terrible place. And people do stuff like that.

While you’re at it, you should probably search for the Christian/Conservative Wikipedia on your Christian Tablet. The tablet ought to be powered by the Son Electric Company, a Christian company, but I’m sad to report that based on my ten seconds of Goog–er, I mean, ChristianGoing (?), it appears that no such company exists–yet.

 

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