“Ask Uncle Brad” is a weekly column in which Brad Williams answers your questions about how to navigate difficult and complex cultural issues in everyday life.
I write on the Internet because I think I’m important, which is pretty much why anyone writes on the Internet. I have a leg up on others, though, because I have become keenly aware of my own narcissism, and therefore, I am ably equipped to point it out in others. Honestly, the only reason I’m still writing for Christ and Pop Culture is because I enjoy telling people things they ought to already know. I want to do that every week.
I am a pastor with ten years of experience. I have had to dispense a lot of advice in that period of time, and some of it was pretty good! But being a pastor also means I am used to people not listening to me. When the Internet scorns me, I should be able to handle it.
Another thing I should tell you is that I did manage to get a Masters of Divinity with Biblical Languages. I had to pay to take counseling classes in seminary, and I am more than happy to dole out that information here to you for free. Honestly, I’m more proud of the “Biblical Languages” part, but since no one is going to ask me for help with Greek or Hebrew, I will content myself with helping you navigate this crazy culture of ours.
For example, I wrote a popular advice piece titled “Stop Blaming Rape on Women.” Some people disagreed in the comments, but hey, I tried. I also wrote a very helpful piece on “What to do When a Family Member Posts Something Stupid on Facebook.” I can’t tell you how many Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners I saved with that bit of wisdom. If you haven’t read it already, you should. I know your kinfolks are putting dumb things on the Internet, and this particular column could really save your neck.
I also know that a lot of you dudes out that are having a hard time scoring a date. Never fear, your Uncle Brad can help! I wrote “Most Dudes are Weird and I Pity Them: Dating Advice for Actual Christian Guys.” Don’t be embarrassed, bro! The early Christian 20s are awkward for everyone.
My advice also helped save Halloween. I wrote “Seven Tips for Enjoying Halloween, Even if You Hate it So Much.” Where else can you get wisdom like this: “Do not actually become a witch, a warlock, or a necromancer.” I cannot tell you how many fundamentalists were relieved to find out that you can go trick or treating without casting a real spell or consorting with the dead.
In all honesty, I came up with the idea for this column because I realized, “Hey, if I could put a few dozen more of these puppies together, I might be able to publish them as a bathroom reader. Cha-CHING!” Seriously, wouldn’t you want to be a part of that? Your question might go into my book some day and help millions of people as they seek wisdom while using the restroom. And also, you will help your Uncle Brad raise his kids and pay his mortgage.
So if you have any burning questions that you need answered, please send them to firstname.lastname@example.org. Or you can just leave them in the comment section.
Looking forward to helping you people out,
Your Uncle Brad