Church Sign Epic Fails

There are plenty of websites that generate fake church signs, but thankfully there are still more than enough real examples of church messages that can evoke emotions across the spectrum. I’ve collected a few of my favorites here and thought I’d share.

I’ve passed on all of the cliche ones like “God answers knee-mail’ and “CH _ _ CH –what’s missing? U – R!” and gone for ones that have really grabbed my attention, though not necessarily in the way they intended to.

Enjoy!

There’s an especially hot spot in hell for lawnmower stealers…

A compelling case for changing the church sign at least once every three months or so.

The lesser-known sequel to the Katy Perry hit single.

God is Love…and AIDS…and Tsunamis.

So does this mean that it’s impossible to be gay and have rickets?

Send me your favorites and I’ll post them in the future.

About Christian Piatt

Christian Piatt is the creator and editor of BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE BIBLE and BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT JESUS. He co-created and co-edits the “WTF: Where’s the Faith?” young adult series with Chalice Press, and he has a memoir on faith, family and parenting being published in early 2012 called PREGMANCY: A Dad, a Little Dude and a Due Date.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ashley-Quinn/18309148 Ashley Quinn

    This is going from memory, but I believe a church sign on National Avenue back in Springfield, MO  read “REV. BANGS GUEST SPEAKER THIS SUNDAY” We could barely breathe, or drive, we were laughing/crying so hard.  Sadly, we didn’t snap a pic. Fortunately, Rev. Bangs is a circuit preacher in the midwest and other folks have seen the same sign in other places. You would think he would give churches the head’s up to watch their wording. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeZuQUUUHo0 I also like “USE THE BOOK GOD USES THE KING JAMES BIBLE. PURE. PERFECT. PRESERVED.”
    http://www.edstetzer.com/2011/10/church-sign-of-the-week-kjv-ed.html

  • http://lifebeforethebucket.blogspot.com/ Adrian Waller

    I can’t even pretend to understand what that last one was supposed to mean. A church in my in-law’s neighborhood once had their times for Christmas Eve service up… almost a month later. Someone said something about it on Facebook (without naming the church), and 30 minutes later, the sign had changed. =)

    • catherine

      It took me a few minutes to figure out the craziness of the last sign as well — bending their sons knees (as in kneeling to pray?) as in praying not to be gay.  

      • http://lifebeforethebucket.blogspot.com/ Adrian Waller

        Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

        I bow to your infinite wisdom, Catherine. =)

      • Reg4cal

        I remember when I was growing up mothers kept thier children on the “straight and narrow” some would say keeping them straight was keeping them  in line and the best way was in prayer. Why does it have to be gay???

  • http://www.irreverin.com/ Irreverin

    apparently God’s love is not only AIDS and Tsunamis–it is also poor punctuation! you’d think the hater’s would at least learn the proper use of a question mark.

  • Aspiechristian

    I don’t know why church people think corn pone actually sells Christianity. Perhaps these signs aren’t meant for that at all – maybe the intent is a roadside twist-the-knife “FU” aimed at the random unbeliever for his perceived persecution of the faithful (By the way, you’re gonna burn, sucker.) I mean, I’ve never known any convert who came by way of “God hates you, and has a terrible plan for your life.”

  • Andersonshannon67

    I recently past the little country church on my way to work one morning that read ” Less time on Facebook more time for his Book.” Inspiriation at it’s best.


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