Church Sign Epic Fails, “Mormons Rock” Edition

Klaus Mein, lead singer of the Scorpions, slapped his balding forehead when he saw this post. Who needs “Rock You Like a Hurricane” when you can Rock like a Mormon???

Cute kid, and I think he’s right. Romney does basically rock like a Mormon…which is kinda why he los

I have no idea what this is supposed to mean, but with a big rainbow and a John Tech reference all on the same sign, they’re either a gay-friendly church or they’re about to be.

It’s always a good idea to more or less give up on all the young folk when trying to build a congregation. And when the best comparison you can make to your church is spinach, you’re pretty well screwed. Close the doors. Forever.

I’m not sure if they’re talking about the movie or the presidential candidate here. Either way, it’s kind of embarrassing to admit in public.

All the folks at this church had been threatening to leave the country if Obama won a second term, until they realized their closest options were drug cartels to the south or socialism up north. Decided just to wait it out another four years.

Ahh, yes, the church without walls, as their sign reminds us. That is except for the intellectual and ideological walls, of course. The other ones burned down when we tried to torch the Obama effigy on election night. Note to self: burn effigies outside from now on.

Some people got a little bit worked up about this sign, but it turns out they were having a pushup contest that sunday during worship. Big Marge almost smoked Pastor Bill , until he started showing off and doing the last few with one hand behind his back. There’s always next year, Marge!

About Christian Piatt

Christian Piatt is the creator and editor of BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE BIBLE and BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT JESUS. He co-created and co-edits the “WTF: Where’s the Faith?” young adult series with Chalice Press, and he has a memoir on faith, family and parenting being published in early 2012 called PREGMANCY: A Dad, a Little Dude and a Due Date.

  • Minjae_Lee

    Stupid – that’s all I got – stupid. You think you’re funny, I guess, but it isn’t really much more than slightly humerous.

    • Anonymustly

      If you really didn’t like the post, why did you even bother to leave such a troll-like comment? You must be an attention whore.

    • http://www.facebook.com/christiandpiatt Christian Piatt

      “Humorous” is spelled with an “o,” not an “e.”

      • http://profiles.google.com/marc.k.mielke Marc Mielke

        And with a “u”if you’re a pretentious American who uses English spellings like myself.

        • Koro Neil

          American: humor – humorous
          British: humour – humorous

  • Whit Johnstone

    I’m not a Methodist anymore, but I have to point out that the Asbury UMC in the last sign is not in compliance with Methodist doctrine. The UMC is anti-gay, but it is egalitarian, not complimentarian in terms of gender roles.

    • J

      Thanks, that means everything to me.
      Wait, no it doesn’t. Fuck you.

      • http://loosviews.livejournal.com BringTheNoise

        What did accuracy ever do to you?

  • stardreamer42

    I agree with the first part of the “spinach” sign, but not the last part — I still hate both!

    • http://profiles.google.com/marc.k.mielke Marc Mielke

      Canned and frozen spinach is really nasty except in dips. Fresh spinach is very good, especially when wilted down with bacon. No, this isn’t your typical internet “Everything is better with bacon” post. Spinach really is a lot better with bacon-it’s like food alchemy.

      • Whit Johnstone

        My mom makes my Dad spinach bacon rigatoni for his birthday every year.


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