Church Sign Epic Fails, “Surgically Altered” Edition

There are only two things I can’t stand: people who are intolerant of other cultures, and the Dutch…

This is officially the most awesome church sign fail I’ve ever found. Oh, and P.S., I asked them, and circumcision apparently doesn’t count. WHEW!

Good news is, like an unsharpened pencil, you can still use life without God to stick in your ear and reach those out-of-the-way itchy parts. Feels soooo good…

Remember, kids, when you asked me what the word ‘ironic” meant? There you go.

Every single joke I came up with for this one simply didn’t pass censorship muster. So take a moment and think up your own…you sick bastard.

The Church tried bundling and reselling Heaven stock as Christian Credit Default Swaps, but then folks started to realize what they were selling was based on falsely inflated value. *POP* goes the bubble!

Yes, if only God thought of me as some magical dog food vending machine, that would be so awesome!

Had I heard this back in high school, the damn thing might have fallen clean off. And the lesson here, kids, is moderation in all things. Never mind what the Adventists say.

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Show Me the Money” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Apocalypse Now” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Mormons Rock” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Family Values” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Pass the Ammo” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “We Serve Minors” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “God Likes Weed” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Crush China for Jesus” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails: “Satan’s Graffiti” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Beer in Hell” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Soul Harvest” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, Advent Onslaught Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Big Ass” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Force-Fed Faith” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, Hangover Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Chocolate Chip Christ” Edition

CHECK OUT THE VIDEO EDITIONS OF CHURCH SIGN EPIC FAILS:

VIDEO Church Sign Epic Fails, “God Likes Weed” Edition

VIDEO Church Sign Epic Fails, “Big Ass” Edition

“Satan’s Graffiti” VIDEO edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

“Beer in Hell” VIDEO Edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

“Advent Onslaught” VIDEO Edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

“Faith vs. Reason Throwdown” VIDEO Edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

“Chocolate Chip Christ” VIDEO Edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

Church Sign Epic Fails VIDEO Debut

About Christian Piatt

Christian Piatt is the creator and editor of BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE BIBLE and BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT JESUS. He co-created and co-edits the “WTF: Where’s the Faith?” young adult series with Chalice Press, and he has a memoir on faith, family and parenting being published in early 2012 called PREGMANCY: A Dad, a Little Dude and a Due Date.

  • Ric

    That last one actually comes from a verse in the Bible: Ecclesiastes 9:10.

    • http://www.facebook.com/christiandpiatt Christian Piatt

      I know, but out of context, it leaves lots of room for smart-ass-edness. Enter: me!

      • t

        It’s ironic that that joke was made by Mark Driscoll about a decade a go in one of his sermons. Perhaps you more in common than you think? ;-p

  • misanthropy_jones

    number four does seem to explain why we have ribs…

    • Chad

      Ew.

    • http://musings.northerngrove.com/ JarredH

      Thanks for the laugh!

  • Evelyn

    What’s wrong with the Dutch?!

    A few podcasts ago you even said the Dutch (and the Germans) weren’t funny or lacked a sense of humor or something (your exact words escape me). Germans do have a sense a humor, it’s just not funny to people with who can find 2 brains cells to rub together… they like Mr Bean, slapstick, simple stuff. Dutch humor, OTOH, is generally based on snark and word play. Should be right up your street, no?

    Now, if you want to pick on the Swiss, please be my guest… ;-)

  • http://musings.northerngrove.com/ JarredH

    What would possess a church to post that first sign anyway?

    Your commentary on the last one was perfect.


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