Church Sign Epic Fails, “Ready to Die” Edition

My pastor asked me when I got to church today, “You’ve gotta ask yourself; do you feel lucky? Well, do you, punk?!?” Little did I know it was pledge Sunday. DAMMIT!

Who, us? A Cult? Pssssh! Yeah, we kinda are.

Too busy to spell check your sign? You’re probably praying too much.

Only enter if you’re ready to die.

No joke: my cousin actually shocked his mom in a farm supply store with a cattle prod. I wonder if he went to church afterward?

Problem is, when you find God at this church, your mystery sibling will come out from the sacristy and hit you over the head with a chair.

Yes, please, for the love of Pete, stop studying science and just obey for once. How do you expect us to keep you in line otherwise?

If I get to decide, doesn’t that kinda, yaknow, nullify the preceding statement? Just sayin’.

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About Christian Piatt

Christian Piatt is the creator and editor of BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE BIBLE and BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT JESUS. He has a memoir on faith, family and parenting called PREGMANCY: A Dad, a Little Dude and a Due Date, and Hachette published his first hardcover book, "postChristian: What's left? Can we fix it? Do we care?" in 2014. His first novel, "Blood Doctrine," has been optioned by a Hollywood production company for a possible TV series.

Christian is the cofounder and cohost of the Homebrewed CultureCast, a podcast about popular culture, current events and spirituality that has a weekly audience of 25,000 people (http://homebrewedchristianity.com/category/culturecast/).

Preorder Christian's next book, "Not That Kind of Christian: Loving God without being an a**hole," at https://squareup.com/market/christianpiatt.

For more information about Christian, visit www.christianpiatt.com, or find him on Twitter (www.twitter.com/christianpiatt) or Facebook.

  • jrieves

    You get with a chair on Springer, not Maury. Unless youre Geraldo, of course.

  • Amaryllis

    About that second sign– maybe they did Spellcheck it. They just didn’t have time to proofread it.

  • Evelyn

    The Caution Church: where careful Christians go