Church Sign Epic Fails, “Arrogant Rabbis” Edition

There’s really nothing worse than an uppity Rabbi. Except maybe for intransigent Swedes. They’re so radical!

As Tripp Fuller told me when he sent this to me, this is so incoherent it even fails to live up to its full potential as a church sign fail. First one to explain wins a cookie.

Finally, a church service without any praise. Perfect for us cynical Christians who pretty much just want to complain. Naw, just kidding…there aren’t any of those. Right?

Umm, yeah, Mister Shepherd, if you could just send more countable sheep my way that’d be great, mmkay?

Oh great! I’ve been following Jesus this whole time, and it turns out he’s a member of the Borg. Serious (and really nerdy) downer, man.

I suppose for all of those non-Christians tired of being told they’re going to hell, finding out there’s just no place to go is an upgrade.

We al’so believe in s’uperfluou’s apo’strophe’s.

Agreed. Any time the pastor smears Crisco all over themselves before preaching, I pay WAAAYYYY more attention.


About Christian Piatt

Christian Piatt is the creator and editor of BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE BIBLE and BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT JESUS. He has a memoir on faith, family and parenting called PREGMANCY: A Dad, a Little Dude and a Due Date, and Hachette published his first hardcover book, "postChristian: What's left? Can we fix it? Do we care?" in 2014. His first novel, "Blood Doctrine," has been optioned by a Hollywood production company for a possible TV series.

Christian is the cofounder and cohost of the Homebrewed CultureCast, a podcast about popular culture, current events and spirituality that has a weekly audience of 25,000 people (

Preorder Christian's next book, "Not That Kind of Christian: Loving God without being an a**hole," at

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  • Pat Landers

    The Arrogant Rabbis are the musical guests for the service.

  • Amaryllis

    “Praise-Free Service” is going to be my Exhibit A when I have to, yet again, tell the people that I proofread for why bad hyphenation is bad.

  • Rob Carr

    The sermon series is about people who unexpectedly ran into Jesus, having their lives interrupted by Him. This weeks’ example: Rabbis that thought they knew more than Jesus and tried to trap Him with trick questions, hence the “arrogant.”

    It worries me that the sign made perfect sense to me. Although I did look for some variation on the “Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids” joke.

    • Wrastlin’ Raistlin

      Close: Tricks are for *Yids.*

  • Wrastlin’ Raistlin

    Know what will happen to us atheists when we die? Easy: Same thing that will happen to you.

  • Wrastlin’ Raistlin

    No, Christian, you got them wrong: They believe in the unity, forgiveness and outreach of a UFO. Apostrophe totally appropriate in both use and placement.

    Also: Silly rabbis.