Church Sign Epic Fails, “God Hates the Jets” Edition

One time, I let God partner with me on my fantasy team, but he went and drafted, like, six kickers. Major fantasy fail, God.

Wow, even with Tebow, God still hates the Jets. Actually, I totally get it.

And then they will be tested for functional literacy levels before being given the job of managing the church sign.

That phrase, “religious hypocrite,” I don’t think it means what you think it means…

Don’t worry. We have bandages and lots of rubbing alcohol inside…if you make it, that is.

Points for nonviolence, and an equal deduction for the kind of propositional theology that leads to said violence in the first place (sigh)

Actually he mostly likes to put them in the microwave until they swell up and explode. Such a mess, but so fun!

It’s kinda cool, they rip your soul out of your chest, smear a couple coats of Turtle wax on it, get it nice and shiny, and then pop it right back in. Sweet!

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About Christian Piatt

Christian Piatt is the creator and editor of BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE BIBLE and BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT JESUS. He has a memoir on faith, family and parenting called PREGMANCY: A Dad, a Little Dude and a Due Date, and Hachette published his first hardcover book, "postChristian: What's left? Can we fix it? Do we care?" in 2014. His first novel, "Blood Doctrine," has been optioned by a Hollywood production company for a possible TV series.

Christian is the cofounder and cohost of the Homebrewed CultureCast, a podcast about popular culture, current events and spirituality that has a weekly audience of 25,000 people (http://homebrewedchristianity.com/category/culturecast/).

Preorder Christian's next book, "Not That Kind of Christian: Loving God without being an a**hole," at https://squareup.com/market/christianpiatt.

For more information about Christian, visit www.christianpiatt.com, or find him on Twitter (www.twitter.com/christianpiatt) or Facebook.

  • WiscoGal

    God doesn’t hate the Jets. He just thinks Brett Favre is an apostate.

  • Evelyn

    I kinda like the parking one.

  • marc

    But I drive a Kia Soul. Does that mean I get two car washes?

  • John Alexander Harman

    I actually saw a church sign that was kind of a win the other day — at the same church that had that inane “forbidden fruits create many jams” pun a few months back. Their current sign says: “Many people want to serve God — but only as advisers.” Sounds like a pithy description of most of the leaders of the Christian Right to me.