Church Sign Epic Fails, “Jesus, Not Boobs” Edition

The best thing about putting a church billboard just below an ad for a strip bar is that, every time you see boobs after that, all you can think of is “Jesus.” Good thinking, church.

Don’t look at the boobs…don’t look at the boobs…GAH! I looked at the boobs.

So going to the Church of Satan, playing D & D or eating a carrot all equal a giant WELCOME mat for Satan. Got it.

Can’t argue with the sentiment, but really? Big and pink?

Next he’s going to learn all the states in alphabetical order. We’re awfully proud of his progress.

As long as you chew it first anyway.

Only thing is, he keeps texting me with these goofy emoticons late at night, calling me his BFF…it’s a tad bit desperate.

Ahh, certainty and assimilation…the cornerstones of any healthy religious cult.

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About Christian Piatt

Christian Piatt is the creator and editor of BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE BIBLE and BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT JESUS. He has a memoir on faith, family and parenting called PREGMANCY: A Dad, a Little Dude and a Due Date, and Hachette published his first hardcover book, "postChristian: What's left? Can we fix it? Do we care?" in 2014. His first novel, "Blood Doctrine," has been optioned by a Hollywood production company for a possible TV series.

Christian is the cofounder and cohost of the Homebrewed CultureCast, a podcast about popular culture, current events and spirituality that has a weekly audience of 25,000 people (http://homebrewedchristianity.com/category/culturecast/).

Preorder Christian's next book, "Not That Kind of Christian: Loving God without being an a**hole," at https://squareup.com/market/christianpiatt.

For more information about Christian, visit www.christianpiatt.com, or find him on Twitter (www.twitter.com/christianpiatt) or Facebook.

  • Lee

    Being vegetarian is a gateway to demonic possession. I guess them suckers really love them brussel sprouts!
    So be warned parents, it is a slippery slope to insist that your kids eat their veggies!

  • Pub Theology

    I never did trust veggies… If God didn’t want us to eat chemically enhanced, processed “meat” he would not have invented microwaves… or America

  • Oswald Carnes

    So by Skull & Bones do they mean that Yale organization that George W. Bush was in? That sort of makes sense. But what the hell is trilateralism? The worship of triangles?

    • David S.

      The Trilateral Commission is a group founded by David Rockefeller in 1973 to break North America, Japan and Western Europe closer together. Barry Goldwater went off on it, and it seems to be a favorite bugaboo of conspiracy theorists. Looking at Wikipedia and their website, they seem to be just a discussion group that publishes among other things reports of their proceedings and their membership list. Many of their members are highly influential people, so they have some influence for better or worse, but it’s not secret influence.

  • GDwarf

    I gotta say, if I woke up one day as a lycanthrope I’d probably seriously look into the chances of demons being real. But only if I was one of those silly ones like a were-rat or something, if I was a were-panda then I’d know there was a loving god. 😛

  • Ross Thompson

    That last one was a reference to this:

  • Andi434

    “Don’t take part in…lycanthropy?” I guess there aren’t any werewolves in heaven, then.


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