Church Sign Epic Fails, “Mastur-abater” Edition

Unless you use some novel two-handed system I'm unfamiliar with, you should be able to swing both, I think.

So I thought if you masturbate, you’d grow hair on your palms. Turns out your arm bursts into flames. The first one, I can deal with. The second…not so much. [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Beefy Cheesy Glory” Edition

Am I the only one who is picturing a Jesus who bears a striking resemblance to Hulk Hogan right now? Guess so (sigh).

So I opened my hamburger bun yesterday and I saw Jesus’ face, right there in the bun! It was a New Years miracle. Oh, and he was delicious. [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic…Wins???

Technically a thanksgiving sing, but hey, some of us eat turkey at Christmas. DON'T JUDGE ME!!!

I have never had any shortage of church sign fails, but since I’m in the throes of Advent, I’m feeling particularly magnanimous. So I thought I’d share some particularly awesome sings with you this week. And yeah, it’s also a little bit of penance since I’m two days late getting these out. #PiattFail [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Grandpa Ape” Edition

That's right! Just ask my cousin/uncle/grandpa merle over there. He'll break it all down for you...

In honor of World AIDS Day, we have a particularly gay array of signage today. Who’s ready to get their intolerance on???   [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Rapture Hatch” Edition

From my research, this is actually, really, seriously a real thing that people pay for. Also a great argument for sunroofs and convertibles.

I lived my whole live trying to follow Jesus, but when the rapture came, I got all tangled up in my attic insulation. D’OH!!!   [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Too Long to Be Wrong” Edition

Ah, yes, but this lifetime is not long enough to be arrogant and superior, apparently.

Once upon a time there was a Christian who thought he was wrong about something, but it turns out he was mistaken… [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Morally Bankrupt” Edition

Forgiveness of sins contingent on creditworthiness approval, as deemed by your giving history, church attendance and whether or not we like you.

I was worried about building up interest on my sin account, then I checked the fine print. Turns out, as long as you pay them all off by the due date every month, you’re all good. [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Jesus, Not Boobs” Edition

Don't look at the boobs...don't look at the boobs...GAH! I looked at the boobs.

The best thing about putting a church billboard just below an ad for a strip bar is that, every time you see boobs after that, all you can think of is “Jesus.” Good thinking, church. [Read more...]


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