Church Sign Epic Fails, “Badass Jesus” Edition

See, it only looks like a fair contest until Jesus pulls that "Over the Top" move Stallone does and then...BAM.

Taking a departure from heinous church signs today to delve into the disturbingly rich landscape of badass Jesus iconography. Like them, or Jesus will personally rip you in half. [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Cow Gang” Edition

Certainly no gang member could be offended to be compared to a lazy, dumb, fat, shiftless cow, right? RIGHT???

I once came up on a cow gang. They was like, “Yo, gimme all your milk, biped,” and I was all “TIP.” That was the end of that. [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Clothing Optional” Edition

Well, mom always did say to wear a suit to church. Never said it couldn't be my birthday suit!

So I showed up naked to this church and got the weirdest looks. Hey, if you’re gonna make it an option, I’m gonna hold you to it. Better than holding it to you, eh? (Ba dum bum!)   [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Longer Than Sex” edition

God love you long time...

You know, it’s bad enough trying to compete with the media’s portrayal of beauty and sexuality without God being better at THAT than me too…   [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Fuzzy Math” Edition

Who says you have to check your brain at the door when you come to church?!?

So many people claim to be bad at math, which is why I always pay anyone who does work for me in rainbows and belly button lint. So far, so good! [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “God Created Sex” Edition

Agree with the sentiment, but let's work on the difference between exclamatory and interrogative statements, shall we?

On the third day, God created sex…which was good because Eve was all kinds of stacked. I mean, like POW! Amen, my sister.   [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Biblical Marriage” Edition

Nothing lures people to a religious propaganda rally like free chicken!

I was told to maintain a biblical marriage. Anybody know where I can get me a red tent and some concubines? [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Size Matters” Edition

Well, that's nice of him to say...even if he doesn't totally mean it (sigh).

I was getting all self-conscious that my faith wasn’t big enough, but then God reminded me it’s how you use it that matters more than. Pssshhh! Yeah, whatever. [Read more...]


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