Church Sign Epic Fails, “Hell Ain’t Cool” Edition

Yeah, but heaven is full of nerds.

Know what I like best about being a Christian? Never being wrong. About anything. Ever. Pretty serious fringe benefit. Look it up. [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Scumbags Welcome” Edition

Pastor Terry Jones presiding. Quran burning to commence immediately after worship.

I was once told I was an abomination, but I totally misunderstood. I thought that was one of those transformers, like Bumblebee. Abomination could totally put the smackdown on Bumblebee. Who the heck is tough that’s named Bumblebee??? [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Devil’s Done Got You” Edition

Nothing compels me like redneck fundamentalism.

If God had had a mullet, I’m pretty sure it would look kinda like that one on the guy in “East Bound and Down.” Homeboy knows how to party in the back while keepin’ it business in the front. [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “God’s Flatulence” Edition

Pretty sure it's the beans, God.

I was watching the game with God, and he says, “Dude, pull my finger.” Umm, yeah. Not falling for that one again, God…   [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails: God vs the NSA (Pt 1 of 2)

Trust me...the NSA doesn't want to listen to you pray for a puppy.

I missed last week’s church signs since I was at wild goose. So enjoy a double shot this weekend. Here’s part one of two… [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Take That, Westboro” Edition


For those who have asked me what my brand of “third way” nonviolent engagement for justice looks like…this one’s for you.   [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Get Behind Me Satin” Edition

Yes, Satin. You smooth, silky, evil temptress. Damn you and your softness. Damn you!!!

I once came up with a spell-check app for church signs, but after a while, it just melted from exhaustion (sihg)…   [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Jesus is My Beer” Edition

So...Jesus wants me to be relaxed and happy, then a little amped, then kinda goofy and stupid, then tired, then rally, then get aggressive and mean and then pass out?

He told me to drink in remembrance of Him, but I must have gotten a little over-enthusiastic. I mean, I was there at the table, and the rest of the night is a blur. That J-dog can THROW DOWN. [Read more...]