Church Sign Epic Fails, “Guns Welcome” Edition

Please turn in your pew Bibles to the Gospel according to Ruger...

  This one goes out to George Zimmerman and all who felt justice was served in court yesterday. [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Jesus Cat” Edition

I asked my cat how much he loved me; he said "this much," and stretched out his arms and died. But that's cool, because he has eight more lives in the bank.

Back in the day, Egyptian leaders used to believe that cats were gods. Clearly, they never met Miles, my senile, toothless, stomach-hanging-to-the-ground cat from high school… [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Beefy Jesus” Edition

I KNEW Jesus was juicing. Now we have proof.

I once challenged Jesus to an arm wrestling match. Jesus had me at first, until I did that Stallone “Over the Top” thing. Then he was toast! [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “He Touched Me” Edition

Never, EVER diddle the church sign guy. This is what you get.

We’ve all said those things that we wish we could take back right after we said them. Now, imagine that thing being posted on a church sign, photographed and shared on the internet…yeah. [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Show Him the Money” Edition

So The Shack was wrong; God is a bald African American man with Tom Cruise fro an agent. Got it.

Daddy always told me summer was a sign that the Devil was coming to get me. Let’s see…no school/Satan. No school/Satan…Gimme a minute here. [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Arrogant Rabbis” Edition

As Tripp Fuller told me when he sent this to me, this is so incoherent it even fails to live up to its full potential as a church sign fail. First one to explain wins a cookie.

There’s really nothing worse than an uppity Rabbi. Except maybe for intransigent Swedes. They’re so radical!   [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Drop It Like It’s Hot” Edition

See grandpa? All those hours I spent in my room listening to Snoop and smoking funny cigarettes really paid off!

I once prayed for tickets to the Radiohead concert, and instead I got two tickets for Carly Rae Jepsen. I must have prayed in the wrong direction… [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Fill Your Cracks” Edition

The thing is, once you get him in there, there's no getting him out. Kinda like thong underwear.

Pentecost is my favorite religious holiday, because all the good boys and girls get a visit from the Great Pentecost Lizard, who leaves magic droppings under their pillow. Ahh, memories… [Read more...]