Church Sign Epic Fails, “Beefy Jesus” Edition

I KNEW Jesus was juicing. Now we have proof.

I once challenged Jesus to an arm wrestling match. Jesus had me at first, until I did that Stallone “Over the Top” thing. Then he was toast! [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “He Touched Me” Edition

Never, EVER diddle the church sign guy. This is what you get.

We’ve all said those things that we wish we could take back right after we said them. Now, imagine that thing being posted on a church sign, photographed and shared on the internet…yeah. [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Show Him the Money” Edition

So The Shack was wrong; God is a bald African American man with Tom Cruise fro an agent. Got it.

Daddy always told me summer was a sign that the Devil was coming to get me. Let’s see…no school/Satan. No school/Satan…Gimme a minute here. [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Arrogant Rabbis” Edition

As Tripp Fuller told me when he sent this to me, this is so incoherent it even fails to live up to its full potential as a church sign fail. First one to explain wins a cookie.

There’s really nothing worse than an uppity Rabbi. Except maybe for intransigent Swedes. They’re so radical!   [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Drop It Like It’s Hot” Edition

See grandpa? All those hours I spent in my room listening to Snoop and smoking funny cigarettes really paid off!

I once prayed for tickets to the Radiohead concert, and instead I got two tickets for Carly Rae Jepsen. I must have prayed in the wrong direction… [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Fill Your Cracks” Edition

The thing is, once you get him in there, there's no getting him out. Kinda like thong underwear.

Pentecost is my favorite religious holiday, because all the good boys and girls get a visit from the Great Pentecost Lizard, who leaves magic droppings under their pillow. Ahh, memories… [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Yo Momma” Edition

Creamy Jesus though. Not the crunchy Jesus. Gets stuck in your teeth.

My mom struggled through nine months carrying me, hours of painful labor and a C-section just to bring me into the world. So I got her a card. I figure we’re even. [Read more...]

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Testicle Festival” Edition

Yeah, well, it's not like he's using them for anything, being a virgin and all...

Good news is we’re having a potluck after church today. Bad news is some of the dishes have testicles in them. Enjoy! [Read more...]


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