7 ways a wife needs respect from her husband

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There’s been a lot of recent discussion about how “men need respect” and “women need love.” This view has gained more attention with the popular book, “Love and Respect,” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. It’s a wonderful book and I wholeheartedly recommend it, but some people have missed the point of his book (and my previous post on 7 ways a husband needs respect from his wifeby thinking that men only need respect (not love) and women only need love (not respect).

Aretha Franklin belted the classic “R-E-S-P-E-C-T” and women worldwide sang along. The truth is that both men and women need respect (and love), but that need is manifested in different ways.

I’ve received some great insight from my my amazing wife, Ashley and countless women through face-to-face and online interactions. Based on these interviews, my own observations and Biblical principles, I’m convinced that the list below sums up the primary ways a wife needs and desires respect from her husband.

Each marriage is unique (because each person is unique), so this list may not represent all people. The point of this post isn’t to squeeze everyone into the same mold, but rather, to stir up some meaningful dialogue between husbands and wives which will ultimately lead to stronger marriages.

7 ways a wife needs respect from her husband (in no particular order):

1. He has eyes only for her.

A man shows respect for his wife by never making her feel compared to an airbrushed supermodel or a random woman passing by. Men make their wives feel safe, adored and respected when their eyes are “monogamous.”

Dave Willis never stop flirting with spouse quote

2. He supports her dreams.

A man shows respect for his wife when her dreams become his priority. In little things in big things, men should encourage and support their wives to achieve their hopes and dreams.

3. He works hard to provide for the family.

When a man works hard, it communicates respect to his wife. A lazy man is incapable of communicating true respect to his wife (or anyone else).

4. He helps around the home.

Each household is different, but in the homes where the wife manages the domestic duties, the husband should still be willing to jump in and help out. Doing the dishes or folding laundry is a simple way to show respect to your wife.

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5. He engages in conversation.

I believe the typical wife’s need for communication is every bit as strong as the typical husband’s need for sex. A husband shows respect to his wife when he turns off his phone, turns of the TV and engages in meaningful conversation and he ALWAYS tells her the truth. Dishonesty is the ultimate form of disrespect.

For more tools to help you build a strong marriage and family, download a FREE chapter from my new book “The 7 Laws of Love: Essential Principles for Building Stronger Relationships” by clicking here.

#7lawsoflove Seven Laws of Love quote Dave Willis husband wife two wings same bird

6. He makes time with his wife a priority.

A man shows respect for his wife when he makes her a consistent priority on his calendar. A husband should give his best energies to his wife; not his leftovers after he has given his best to hobbies, career or other pursuits.

Dave Willis quote time is the currency of relationships

7. He continuously pursues her.

Most guys are great at pursuing during the dating phase of the relationship, but we get lazy, inconsistent and unromantic in marriage. We show our love and respect to our wives when we continuously give them the best of ourselves and keep growing better with every season of life together.

For daily encouragement to help you build a stronger marriage, healthier family and happier marriage, download our new Marriage App on iTunes and you can also connect with me on Facebook by clicking here.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Ang

    GoodDad….sounds like you have a 50/50 marriage! How sad! Good thing you don’t have GoodHusband as your name….by the way you talk I feel sorry for your wife!

  • Jeremy

    wow…just wow…bitter much? I am the 100% wage earner in our home and I still find time to load/unload the dishes, vacuum, and help with laundry. 4 children drain a woman of all her energy, I work hard at my very physically demanding job (urban forestry), but that does not mean I should rest on my laurels while she brings me a beer.

  • Guest

    Jeremy, he isn’t even worth the time to respond to. I should have realized that the first time I did.

  • Guest

    Jeremy, he clearly has a warped since of marriage. With that said, I am not going to argue with him!

  • Ang

    Jeremy, he clearly has a warped sense of marriage. With that said, I am not going to argue with him!

  • Spicy Ray Swinehart-Patrick

    My husband is a truck driver, so I mow the lawn, rake leaves, shovel snow, take out garbage. I am the one who remembers to change furnace filters every year. etc etc… I’d actually rather mow the lawn than fold laundry!! since he’s gone a lot, I try to make sure he hasn’t much to do when he gets home.

  • Sincerely Me

    For a family where the wife stays at home with children and the husband works full time, is it not recognized that during whatever hours the husband is at work, the wife is also working in the home taking care of children and the home? Then, when the husband is home after work, both spouses are tired from a long day of working hard. Then wouldn’t it make sense for neither to sit down and put up their feet up but rather share the burden? Running a home and having children is more than a full time job, it is a 24/7 job. The home can be delegated per each family but children are 100% the mother’s responsibility and 100% the father’s responsibility, and though what that looks like may differ per family and by day, it’s never solely on one or the other. When you are someone’s spouse or parent, you do not get to clock out. It is not a business deal. If you’re treating it that way, you are cheating everyone involved.

  • Sincerely Me

    That had absolutely nothing to do with anything I said. You are overvaluing YOURself. Anyone can earn an income. You are gravely missing the point.

  • Family8

    “Works hard” does not necessarily mean a paying job. No where in the artical says it is a paying job. Working hard could be to help grocery , filling up the cgrocer simply doing yard work. I also must have missed the section of where they said the wife stays home and does nothing and expected her husband to do all. I believe this was written from a biblical stance and it does state in the bible that a man is to provide for his family as he is the leader of the family. Both my spouse and I work outside the home, we have 6 children and practically pay a second mortgage for child care, but this is what works for us. Not all women want to be stay home wives and mothers.

  • Family8
  • mizzdimples

    My husband doesn’t make more money than me but he still doesn’t do shit. I work full time AND take care of everything in the house minus the stuff I ask him to because I’m too short or not strong enough. Lol which of course if he wasn’t around I would find a way to do. I like ur marriage. I wish mine was the same.

  • mizzdimples

    It said A lazy man is incapable of communicating true respect to his wife (or anyone else). I read this as specifying the men who can work but doesn’t. Or letting his wife work and earn the money to provide while he’s lazy and does not contribute. I don’t think it necessarily means that he has to work hard and she doesn’t. Every post from them all have something about equality in the marriage, so I highly doubt that this post would be any different.

  • Family8

    I am the wife, and I choose to work to help provide for my family financially. My husband wanted me to stay home with the kids and not work as he makes enough to support our family of 8, I am the one that has opted to work outside of the home. Although both of us work outside of the home, I do empower him to provide for the family. He is to help cook and tend to the lawn and help pay bills, that is providing for us. He takes care of the cars so I have reliable transportation. He takes care of the yard work. He helps discipline, that is providing for the family. My thought of providing for the family is not only financially, that is a part of it, but not 100% of it.

  • Family8

    agree, lots of lazy men these days

  • Family8

    Scripture, along with any other written document, is up for interpretation. I’ve taken many theology courses and the bible does not oppose females as equals, read genesis for the creation of man. Genesis 1:27 “So God crated man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; both male and female he created them.” If you want to oppose voting, oppose it for everyone since voting was not a practice 2000 years ago. There were Kings and Emperors, blood lines, etc. We have come along way in 2000 yrs, but the basic principals still exist; treat others with respect, love your neighbor, do not lie, do not steal, etc. Women have a place in this world, just like men do. Women roles are different than a mans and vice versa. There are always others that think they can do anything a man can, etc, but God did not create us that way or a man would be able to have and bear children. God created us for our own unique purpose. We each have a role and I believe this article will help strengthen any marital relationship.

  • Family8

    It’s sad that you and your wife have a money-back guarantee. That doesn’t sound like a marriage, more like a contract. No, I don’t have that with my husband because we took a vow, for better or worse, sickness and in health, til death. There is no backing out, there is no turning back, there is no contractual agreement that can be broken at will.

  • Family8

    Well that explains why you are so bitter about this topic since you had to work “5x as hard to make up her income loss”.

  • Family8

    Slaves were also property, and slaves were both men and women. Sounds your “old school” knowledge needs to be sharpened. And we are just going to have to agree to disagree.

  • Family8

    Again, agree to disagree. This debate will go nowhere and i really think at this point, you just want to argue. I don’t think I said anything about your marriage. All I did was the same as this article, you clearly do not agree with it. To each his own. But you should respect and at least listen to other opinions, especially if you write comments on a blog.

  • Family8

    That’s not sexist at all. Education cannot be thrown away. How many people go to college and get a degree and don’t even use that degree? Again, you are just arguing to argue.

  • Family8

    And most husbands would and should do the same, that would be the respect the article is talking about. Maybe if many other men would take your lead to make choices for their family and make sacrifices, then they would be in the same financial positions as you are, but that would require their wives to stay home and them to work 5x as hard like you. You can’t argue both sides. So it’s okay for your wife to be a stay home wife/mother but not anyone else? I never said that when a wife stops working that husband must work harder. If either the husband or wife stops working for whatever reason, the one that is bringing home the money will have to work harder, regardless if it’s the husband or wife. There are many many many stay at home fathers these days too.

  • Family8

    We can debate this all day. If a spouse “takes off work” to raise a child for 15 years, that is 15 years the working spouse didn’t have to call in sick for dr appointments or sick appointments or school functions or anything else related to that child being raised. The working spouse is successful because they were able to devote themselves 100% in a career and not worry about how the house was running. So yes, that work success is for both of them. If that is the case, then if/when a divorce is done, the working spouse should have no right to the child since that was why the other spouse didn’t work, to raise the children. That is part of marriage. It’s partnership. I think your thought of what women really want is way off.

  • Family8

    Totally wrong. My point was you think since the “man” worked and brought all the income the wife has no rights to anything that was purchased since she didn’t financially contribute. That man should not have rights to the child since her “job” was not his because he had a paying job. Your logic is totally off base, your reality of women is way off. Some are gold diggers, yes, but not all. And it’s between a husband and a wife to choose what works for THEIR marriage. BTW, congrats to your wife for being able to be a stay at home wife and mother and be able to join the workforce again and get the same type of job and pay as you since you took no time off to raise a family or take care of a household. That is pretty awesome!

  • Family8

    It doesn’t matter what I think as I am sure you will argue my views on the subject. I do not think a little girl grows up thinking, “I want to be a stay at home mother when I grow up”. Life happens. Many stay home mothers I know do it because they are financially able. Many have several young children and it financially makes sense for them to stay at home vs spending what would be their weekly check for child care. I also think a woman does sacrifice when they choose to do this. I know one that has a law degree and stays home, her husband is the primary income, but she does use her degree to help law firms on a case overload. Another has a degree in child psychology and is able to volunteer her time at church helping families that need therapy for their children at a lower cost than normal therapist. I know another who has been stay at home for 14 yrs and her husband passed away suddenly and now she is struggling to make ends meet since he had no life insurance and is having a hard time finding a job since she hasn’t worked in so long. Life happens. Society has deemed this a “mans world”. In all of these situations, if the woman was making more money, then the husband would have stayed home to avoid the cost of child care. If your views are so superior, why are there so many stay home parents with a single income? Why do people continue down this path if they do not think it benefits the family unto at the time? Personally, I do need my husband to provide for me…. Emotionally, spiritually and the was a time financially. Providing is not just money. But I do expect him to not be lazy, which is what the article states.

  • mizzdimples

    I agree but this post was titled for a husband to do for his wife. I’m sure they have or will have something about what a wife needs to do for her husband. I predict it will have similar points.

  • mizzdimples

    I don’t know a lot of women like that personally but I’m sure they’re out there. I have also met men who would rather Pursue a working female so they don’t have to. And some women actually prefer this actually well. I think that it depends on what u find works in ur marriage and what doesn’t. As long as both are happy.

  • mizzdimples

    Maybe not DON’T but Can’t rather. Most of the lazy men I know don’t even pursue a degree.

  • mizzdimples

    That’s true cause I see a lot of good dad’s out there that dont get the privilege only because they are the father. While the mother lives on child support and welfare alone.

  • mizzdimples

    There are a lot of couples who still believe the traditional ways. As I said, as long as that’s what makes them happy.

  • mizzdimples

    I think that a lot of their posts on this site is modern. This one for instance, helping out with household chores or dress to impress for her. It should go both ways but one person needs to concentrate on how they can be a better spouse to the other. I think they’re are fully concious that divorce is common because they write things like this to improve marriage and I’ve read posts from them recognizing it. I kind of feel like some of the stuff they write is being taken out of context by the commenters

  • mizzdimples

    Hmm I could’ve sworn I saw a post on how important sex was… maybe that was other marriage site I have subscribed to. If I’m right about that, they post a lot about important intimacy is. Because it is!!!

  • Family8

    You are so off base. I didn’t say a girl didn’t grow up to have children, I said girls do not grow up thinking they will be stay home wives/mothers. You are so self consumed that you can’t even stick to what was being said. I never mentioned custody, nor did I mention a belief in child support/visitation. YOU HAVE ASSUMED which was wrong on your part.
    The point I tried to bring up, which you have neglected to address in all your writings is that it is ridiculous to think it is “fair” to have a man be able to focus on his career, advance himself financially because he was able to have a wife stay home and take care of his children and house. And IF (big IF) they get a divorce, for him to take everything they financially obtained because he was the one brining home the income. A woman does sacrifice if she chooses to not work, she is 100% dependent on a someone to take care of her (do not think I agree with it, it’s just fact). So because that couple agreed to have one stay home and the other work, IF they divorce, he should get all things that were purchased and she get nothing? So what is her benefit of staying home? If you said children, THAT is why I said if she is home raising children then that is what she should get in the divorce. She doesn’t have any “obligation” (according to your philosophy) to anything else, right? Do I personally believe that? NO, I do not, NOR does that happen. The wife gets half of what is gained in the marriage so why negate that? The point I was saying that for was to show how ridiculous it sounds for you to say a man should get everything that was purchased in the marriage because he earned the income and paid for it all while she “did nothing” (this also shows how close minded you are on what a house wife/stay home mother actually does). Would he have that house if he had not had a family to support? Would he be that successful in his career if he had to miss alot of time off work to take care of a sick child, or leave during the day to pick up a child kid from school? Probably not. Have you kept up with EVERYTHING you have purchased in your marriage now so that should you get a divorce, you know what is yours and what is your spouses? AGAIN, you neglected to see another point other than your own.
    You say you are Christian and trying to save marriages, yet you say in another post that you and your wife have a contractual marriage and either of you can leave without question, that is so hypocritical.
    Everyone that has posted their “opinion” on this blog, you have completely disregarded their opinion and most of the time didn’t even address what they were trying to say or the point they were trying to make. I tried to show you another side and that providing is not just financial which is where you started from the beginning but you have brought everything from divorce to how people lived 2000 years ago to slavery to child support, but you have yet to address that providing could possibly be something else. That is the only point I was trying to show you, that’s all. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and you have definitely FORCED your opinion on everyone else with no regard to how that could have made them feel.
    For the record, my oldest son is 17 yrs old, his father and I were never married and we separated shortly after his birth. The SOLE reason for the separation was that he didn’t provide for me in any aspect. In the past 16 years, he has been the absolute BEST father in the world. I never once asked for child support and because we were never married, we never went to court to have child support or visitation set. He PROVIDED for my son when my son needed something. He never gave me a dime, but he did pay half dr bills, he took off work half the time when he was sick, he has been there for school functions, sporting events, has paid half for anything and everything my son needs. So NO, I do not think child support is required nor do I think a child should ever be used to “get back” at an ex because things didn’t work out. To this day, my sons father is one of my best friends. He was a horrible significant other, but he is the best father and friend anyone could ask for. There are times, however when child support should be required because most dads are not like him, they run the second they get a chance, they avoid their obligation to raising their offspring, not just financially but in all aspects. Money does not take the place of a parent, but it does cost money to raise a child. I despise the “women” that have babies because they think they have trapped a man and he is financially obligated to her forever. But a true woman is not like that. A true woman will NEVER rely on a man. A true woman will work twice as hard as any man because this is a “mans world” and we have to in order to be noticed in the world. A true “MAN” will support his woman (#2 in the above). A true “MAN” will provide as best he can (#3 in the above). A true WOMAN will still be able to stand on her own two feet. I really think this article is for the modern men and women, who cherish their marriage. Not the ones that are waiting for baby daddy’s child support to come in, or welfare checks on the first of the month or the man or woman sitting at home all day with no job waiting for their significant other to bring home dinner. That is the difference, there are “losers” in the world, both men and women and I don’t think this was written with the losers in mind. But this is my testimony, I’m sure you will find a way to come back and say something demeaning as you have so far. Just sad to know that your opinion is just that, an opinion. The fact is neither of us were around 2000 years ago to know what it was truly like. We have our beliefs and that is fine. It is okay to agree to disagree.

  • mizzdimples

    I see. Well I agree with u. Sex is definitely important.

  • mizzdimples

    Yea I do see a lot of fluff. The titles intrigue me but then I read the blog and I’m like well that’s not what I expected. For instance, that post that said something like 4 things ur wife needs to hear or u need to say was it? One of them was I love u. Well, cmon. Lol DUH!

  • Just Me

    Old post, but I suppose I should add an 8th way a wife needs respect from her husband: Gentlemen, don’t use your words to demean, denigrate, or dismiss her thoughts, opinions, or feelings. Not only is the speech that can come from a husband’s mouth be hurtful, but it can also be incredibly disrespectful.

    Women are constantly chastised for the disrespectful language we use towards our husbands, especially in our churches. Sometimes, we are even told “woman, shut thy mouth!” (a statement I consider to be disrespectful and borderline abusive) Okay, I understand that nagging, sarcasm, and overall nastiness towards our husbands is wrong, and has no place in any marriage. But what about the same sort of behavior that some husbands have towards their wives? Is not a man nagging his wife, using sarcastic, insulting words, and interrupting her disrespectful behavior?

    Case in point: my husband is 99.999% a respectful, loving man, and I’m very laid back and easygoing. But there’s that fractional percentage of the time when he gets frustrated at something, like technology (which I’m pretty good at, and if I don’t know that particular device, I can dig around for awhile and figure it out eventually), asks my help, then verbally lashes out at me when the help isn’t fast enough. It doesn’t go over well with me, because I stand up for myself and tell him I don’t like being talked to that way, and that I find it very disrespectful. Sometimes it devolves into him calling me “argumentative,” to which I respond “you demeaned me in what you said, I take exception to it, and now I’m argumentative?” Sometimes it seems like he just needs to blow off emotional steam, because pretty soon, we’ve both addressed where we went wrong, and everything is fine. Just last night, he told me he gets frustrated, and it’s not me, and it’s not fair that he blows his top at me over his iPhone.

    A person can build someone up with their words, but also tear someone down. Words have a potential to be very destructive. This why the Scripture speaks so strongly about the power of words. So husbands, my advice if you want to hear it: think, then speak, not speak, then think. Everyone, men and women, should carefully guard, measure, and control what comes out of their mouths.

  • Iola Ivanova

    coool post

  • Iola Ivanova

    see What I Found, How to monitor your husband facebook wall

    http://www.faceves.com/