How often should a married couple make love?

couple in bed feet

In my years of working with married couples, I’ve discovered that many marital problems can be traced to issues, struggles and frustrations related to SEX. Most couples face the frustration of having one spouse with a consistently stronger sex drive than the other which often leads to question, how often should a married couple have sex?

Below, I’ve listed six reasons why more frequency in your lovemaking could help you, but before we get there, I want to do something different. Instead of launching into this discussion with stats and opinions, I’m going to do something unexpected. I’m going to share what the Bible has to say on the subject. You might have thought the Bible was boring or irrelevant, but it’s actually the greatest marriage manual ever written! Here’s one surprising passage about sex in marriage…

The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:3-5) emphasis added

For more on this, check out these 5 surprising teachings about sex in the Bible.

This passage above is essentially saying that a married couple should make love as often as either one of the spouse’s wants to. This is pretty revolutionary. When a couple waits until both spouses are equally in the mood, it will rarely happen! This model requires a mindset of mutual submission and selflessness for the sake of the other which will not only improve your sex life, but it’s also a great approach to improving the other aspects of your marriage.

As it relates to your marriage, I’d encourage you to make love as often as the spouse with the higher drive wants to. This isn’t practical 100% of time, but make it your goal not to “deprive each other” and as the frequency of your lovemaking increases, your overall connectedness as a couple will probably increase as well (for the reasons listed below).

Dave Willis quote marriage 50-50 divorce 100-100 7 laws of love book

When a couple isn’t consistently connecting in the bedroom, it can start having some major repercussions in other areas of the relationship. When you make consistent lovemaking a habit in your marriage, you’ll be strengthening the marriage in all kinds of ways. Here are just a few examples of how more sex in your marriage could have huge impacts:

*It will bring you and your spouse closer together on a physical, emotional and even spiritual level.

*Studies suggest high sexual frequency can impact your overall health and well-being.

*A recent study on CNN.com suggests that frequent sex (they defined it as at least 3-4 times per week) could actually make you more successful and profitable in your career.

*Greater frequency can lower levels of stress and sexual frustration in your marriage.

*Greater frequency can statistically lower the risk and temptations that can lead to adultery.

*Greater frequency is FUN. Do you really need more reasons?

For more tools to help you build a stronger sex life and healthier marriage, check out our video course on sex and intimacy in marriageYou can also check out my bestselling new book The Seven Laws of Love (by clicking here).

If this post helped you, please share it using the links below so we can help other married couples too!

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • emergingguy

    The KJV Bible states1 Cor “benevolence” not sex, it means kindness NOT sex!!

  • mamadodge

    I let me husband have all the sex that he wants and yet he still has a problem with porn….I don’t know what to do…..

  • One Truth

    “The KJV Bible states1 Cor “benevolence” not sex, it means kindness NOT sex!!”

    Actually……..{ Benevolence : eunoia = Alms, Beneficence, Charitableness, Liberality, Love }

    It is very easy to see that the Apostle Paul meant love, as you read vs. 1-7 together. To keep it simple, Paul was declaring that the married couple shall not act as though they own control over their own body, but that they belong to one another, and shall not deprive one another.

    And….obviously as any born again Christian knows, our body first and foremost, belongs to the Lord….vs. 5 “except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer”

    But Gods word declares That the (husband and wife) are now (one flesh), Genesis 2:24, so……They’re bodies belong to one another, in full love and respect of course.

    Anyway, keep scripture in context with the surrounding verses and it all makes sense…..

  • One Truth

    Though we as Christians are to abstain from living in sin, we can all fall into temptation.

    Are you and your husband both born again Christians? Have you been praying for your husband?

  • mamadodge

    Pray for him constantly and we try to be Jesus believers…

  • xcntryskiing

    I wish my husband wanted sex as often as I do. He has struggled with porn way before we met and I don’t look anything like those women he would watch and he finds it hard to get aroused by me.
    We are in counseling and he is making progress with his porn addiction …… He isn’t actively watching on our computer anymore cause it is unavailable… but he still fantasizes about other women, ex girlfriends, and can be ‘triggered’ by billboard signs and he doesn’t even recognize it… how can he fix something he doesn’t even notice himself doing until he is on the other side of ‘the tunnel’… he gets tunnel vision with this and doesn’t even recognize that he has ‘slipped’ until it is too late… at least I pray that is the truth…