I Think the MRAs Are Mad At Me Again

[Content note: This post contains obscene and sexist language that I wouldn’t normally allow on my site. Consider yourself advised.]

I wrote in May about the “men’s rights activists” – a tribe of angry misogynists who, despite the name, have no interest in actual issues of justice that affect men but only want an excuse to insult and degrade women. A large faction of MRAs are atheists, but there are some who subscribe to traditional Christianity as well.

One of the latter faction, who goes by Dalrock, wrote a post this week trashing an atheist writer named Rebecca Vipond Brink, who wrote for The Frisky about the relationships she had while she was in the process of undergoing a divorce. Dalrock sneered that women like Brink should be ashamed of themselves for sleeping with multiple men, even in serial monogamous relationships, and suggested that they carry signs proclaiming how many men they’ve had sex with (“very few women would be willing to march with an honest number”). As is par for the course on sites like this, the comments section was misogynist sewer filth:

Wimminz like her are so fucked in the head it is unbelievable.Having a drink with a skank like this too much work…let alone banging the pig….NO THANX!

I looked at her pics…..she is nothing special! Just another skank who thinks she has a “golden pussy”(that in actuality,is stretched to the max…and stinks). I wish this pig luck.She is soon to discover that she will be used and discarded….several hundred times! And as here looks fade…she will get more desperate and eventually settle for the wino that is begging for change on the street corner.My sentiments?….””Fuck you…you useless twat!…you are getting what you want…and deserve”

The sin of nice is to allow this women to be pleased. She should never ever not feel like a slut and damn sure should never think others don’t see her as a slut.

Loathsome as this is, it’s also pretty common on the internet. I wouldn’t have seen the point in calling special attention to it, except that Dalrock also included links to photos of Brink and to her personal Meetup account. Flaunting someone’s personal information on a hostile forum in this manner could be construed by harassers as an open invitation; at the very least, it reflects exceedingly poor judgment (as we’ve seen before).

So, I encouraged people to report the page to WordPress, the hosting site, as abusive. To be honest, I didn’t (and don’t) expect WordPress to take any action, but I view this as a means of social sanction, a way of letting the purveyors of this gutter sexism know that it won’t go unchallenged.

But MRAs are easy to drive into a frothing fury, and Dalrock didn’t disappoint, promptly writing a follow-up in which he raged at my “smear campaign to silence [his] discussion of Christian sexual morality”. (Who would Jesus slut-shame?) But it’s the comment thread that gives a real view into the untrammeled id of the misogynist movement – like these, from people who clearly know nothing whatsoever about me, my wife or her marriage:

There is nothing more pathetic than a ‘man’ who needs his wife to come to his rescue. In Adam Lee’s case, she is merely the person with whom he has a legal contract to provide for her, while she does nothing for him in return.

Anyone wanna take bets on how long Lee’s marriage will last?

For the record: four years and counting, and we’ve never been happier! You can also read my wife’s hilarious take on this, in which she points out the mutually-contradictory insults they tried to lob.

In the best tradition of smugly ignorant Christian proselytizers, they concoct elaborate fantasies about the fictitious childhood traumas I must have suffered:

These manginae also were largely raised with soft punks for fathers, or by single moms. Having a screechy feminist for a mother, and weak or no father, imprints upon boys early. They grow up feeling “safe” around harridans like these, and thus in adulthood they seek out an “empowered, loud and proud” woman, such as the bisexual divorcée Adam is currently sucking up to. His behavior in this regard makes me feel deep sympathy for what he went through as a child.

Again, for the record: I grew up in an intact, loving and proudly egalitarian household, and I have both my parents to thank for who I am today. Sorry to disappoint you.

Another common theme was that the only reason they could imagine that a man would speak out against sexism is in a misguided attempt to get laid. Here’s a specimen of the type:

Adam,
She is NOT going to have sex with you. Ever. You are quiche eating beta male. She is using you to try and tear down people who make her feel bad because she is a terrible person speading terrible advice. Stop what you are doing. You’re never going to get laid.

I appreciate the concern about my sex life, guys, but I’m happily married and monogamous. Just because you can’t think with anything above your gonads doesn’t mean that the rest of us labor under the same limitation. Also, what do you have against quiche?

Quiche is delicious.

Then there’s this amusingly juxtaposed pair:

Adam Lee is just another sub-human degenerate Social Justice Warrior who thinks that anyone who disagrees with him need to be shut down. These sons of bitches are just like Hitler’s Brownshirts with less testicular fortitude to face you in person.

I could not help noticing from Adam Lee’s Twitter that… he appears to be a Jew – albeit of the atheist variety…

So I’m both a Jew and a Nazi brownshirt? Those are two groups you wouldn’t normally expect to share a membership list. Also, when you’re comparing someone to Hitler, maybe you shouldn’t also call them a “sub-human degenerate” in the same breath? Just saying.

And finally, for bonus laughs:

@Dalrock. Stand tall. They hated Christ, they hated Vox Day and now they hate you.

If you take the time to plow through all these comments (and I hardly blame you if you don’t), you’ll soon notice the absence of creativity or original thought. They don’t even have an argument, as such; just sputtering, inchoate resentment and vituperation, a kicking-and-screaming tantrum at a world that’s leaving them behind. As I said on another occasion, most threads like this could be replaced with a random profanity generator without any loss of coherence.

I derive nothing but amusement from the MRAs’ antics, especially the ones who threatened to report me in retaliation (to whom? for what? they don’t know either). But I think it also goes to show that there’s really no difference between atheist MRAs and the Christian variety. In their all-consuming obsession with sex as the sole determinant of a person’s value; in their adherence to primitive, shame-based moral taboos; in their hypocritical desire to ogle and leer at the women they despise; or in their dismissal of half the human race as inferior beings – in all these things, there’s not an inch of daylight between them.

I wouldn’t presume to tell the Christian community what it should do about the misogynists in their midst. But to the atheist community I ask: Now that you’ve seen who these people are and what they’re like, is there any reason at all we should want them to be part of our big tent?

Postscript: In the name of not giving shitty people more attention than good ones, I highly encourage you to check out all of Rebecca Vipond Brink’s writing. I especially enjoyed this post on why she’s remaining a lapsed Catholic.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Snagglez

    The MRA believe in a zero sum argument that suggests that the progress of one group must come from the determent of another. Therefore if women are allowed equal pay/rights/etc then somehow men’s pay/right/etc are eroded. Of course this has proven time and time again to not be true but since logic and discussion are not traits accepted or appreciated among MRAs you are not likely going to be able to change their minds.

  • Science Avenger

    I agree with your general point, especially with regard to political and social rights, but on the subject of pay, how could it not be a zero sum game? That is, if pressure is put on companies to pay women more, that money has to come from somewhere, and if they keep their overall compensation level (which isn’t obviously unreasonable), the overall pay to men will decline.

    I assumed the argument was not that this doesn’t happen, but that it is justified, since essentially the men’s privileges were manifesting in men getting paid more than their merits warranted.

    And even on the social front, surely any time a privilege is removed, the formerly privileged group suffers in some nonzero way. If I go from being able to skip ahead of Oppressed Group X in line, to having to wait behind them like everyone else, my situation has definitely worsened, but again, its justified, because I should never have had the former privilege to begin with.

  • Snagglez

    I think this matters if you are arguing on the basis of the individual or the group at large. On an individual basis, a man might not get a holiday bonus because he was out performed by a female colleague, but overall, men are not going to be worse off because of equality – including if they are married/partnered with women who will now have access to better pay and benefits.

  • Snagglez

    I would point out that while European history has alined with a ‘patriarchal mode’, it was not the way for many cultures throughout history. Many parts of Africa, Asia, and South America are actually matrilineal even today. Also, since we have not written records regarding the Paleolithic or any other prehistoric era (which in some cultures stretches to the 20th century) you can hardly claim that it was patriarchal since there are absolutely no data.

  • Annerdr

    Worked? for whom?

  • Annerdr

    Nice? To whom? I’m a divorce woman. Think he’s nice to me?

  • Annerdr

    I’ve seen this change over the years. The courts, at least where I live, are pushing for joint custody in every situation possible. Where it’s not possible, the mother is not always the custodial parent. I’ve seen dads get custody because they were better, more involved parents.
    I personally have joint custody with my ex. It’s been harder than having custody alone in some ways, but I did think that having a close relationship with his father was important for my son’s sake. The end result is that my son has four adults supporting him – mother, father, stepmother, stepfather.
    I do really think that joint custody, with family therapy if needed, is the best way for the child. And, that’s what my county courts are pushing.

  • Annerdr

    “all PIV sex is rape” (I’m assuming PIV means heteronormative sex)
    I’ve been a feminist for 30 years. I’ve never heard this point of view. In fact, most feminists are heterosexual and actually like most of the men they know. It’s not generally aimed at a person; it’s more aimed at changing a system to make it more fair.